We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Some individuals have their beliefs about whether

countries

Use synonyms

should help other nations or just let them.

Although

Linking Words

I believe that people need to be more focused on their society and regionals, I disagree that we do not do anything when our friends out there are in dangerous situations.

To begin

Linking Words

with, each country has some problems that are really difficult to tackle

such

Linking Words

as corruption. Indonesia is one of the places that

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

a lot of

this

Linking Words

kind of

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

, and it has already been over a hundred years but

this

Linking Words

trouble has not been solved yet.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, poverty and unemployment still hang on even though numerous solutions have been released.

For example

Linking Words

, research reveals that the majority of graduates from universities tend to not have clear careers after

done

Wrong verb form

doing

show examples

degrees

Change the noun form

degree

show examples

courses. That's why society needs to look into our current situation.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, it is evident that in

this

Linking Words

modern society, there are various

countries

Use synonyms

that need our hands. As a human, we are sociable, and we can not live on our own. If there is a hard condition in another

countrycountry

Correct your spelling

country country

, we will give them whatever we can do. Palestine is one of the nations that has been colonised by Israel. Because of them, most citizens hardly have a chance to live in freedom.

Moreover

Linking Words

, eating and drinking are usual things in our daily lives, but in their country which is Palestine, they rarely get proper food or drink.

As a result

Linking Words

, many Indonesians began to donate and charity in order to help them.

This

Linking Words

is why helping other

countries

Use synonyms

is crucial. In conclusion, despite the importance of developing our own country, it is excellent to be able to help other

countries

Use synonyms

that are in

inconvenience

Replace the word

inconvenient

show examples

conditions.

Submitted by ieltswriting91 on Wed Jan 10 2024

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task achievement

The essay presents ideas on both sides of the argument, which is good. However, there needs to be more balance and development in discussing your own opinion, as well as an explicit statement of your position.

coherence and cohesion

The logical structure of your essay could be improved by ensuring smoother transitions between paragraphs and clearer topic sentences that introduce the main point of each paragraph.

coherence and cohesion

Try to use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more clearly and to demonstrate a range of cohesive devices.

task achievement

Including more specific examples and ensuring that the examples provided directly support the main points would strengthen the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

291 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

global interconnectivity
international cooperation
ethics
moral obligation
geographical borders
diplomatic relations
economic stability
global security
resource allocation
expertise
international aid
dependency and development
sustainable solutions
local and global initiatives
community resilience

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