IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Many people argu that in order to improve educational quality, high school students are encouraged to make comments or even criticism on their teachers. Other think it will lead to loss of respect and discipline in the classroom. Discuss both views and give your Opinion.

#people #argu #quality #school #students #comments #criticism #teachers #loss #respect #discipline #classroom
Although
Medicine
 is a field which has a myriad of branches with a lot of fascinating and impressive ways of studying it, one of the most awe-inspiring characteristics is, without a doubt, its well-balanced relationship among natural, formal and social sciences.
This
 mixture leads to a wide spectrum of complex stumbling blocks which requires an appropriate combination of curiosity and multidisciplinarity to solve them. From a very early age,
this
 aroused my interest and prompted me to study not only the structure of the human body and physiology but
also
 the mechanisms of pathogenesis with their respective treatments. My Bachelor’s Degree (BS) in Medical Science (Medical Doctor, MD), which was studied at Universidad Militar Nueva Granada in Bogotá, Colombia, was a complete training in both clinical and
research
 fields using analytical methods
as well as
 evidence-based
medicine
 techniques. The integration of these aspects
along with
 acquiring the basic knowledge about natural sciences,
such
 as cellular biology, biophysics, biochemistry, anatomy, histology, etc, showed me how perfect the functionality and homeostasis of human beings is. Since
then
, Health Sciences became a passion for me, showing a high academic performance with award scholarships being granted
due to
 ‘The Class of Honors Qualification’, and achieving the best GPA over 52 alumni in my class graduating students. Over time and parallel to my academic duties, my career interests in the
research
 field constantly increased. In the beginning, they were focused on Stem Cells, Genetics & Genomics, and Bioethics, taking an elective course for three years related to these branches in which there were theoretical and practical immersive sessions.
Hence
, exploring deeper into the most specific literacy and
research
 done from ancient times to the present day
as well as
 learning cutting-edge techniques about cultures, analysis, and methodology,
finally
 being part of the ‘BioGenEtica
Research
 Group’ at the above-mentioned University. After that, my
research
 experience broadened to other topics linked to microbiology and parasitology, researching mainly diseases caused by helminths and protozoa that affect children in Colombia. These projects have been presented at
several
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
not only national but
also
 international symposiums and conferences and published in indexed journals. Regarding my work experience, during the
last
 academic year in my BS, which is known as ‘The Internship’, the general clinical rotations were deeper in knowledge about Pediatrics, Surgery, and Gynecology and Obstetrics, and my elective program consisted of seven months related to Internal
Medicine
.
Subsequently
, after my graduation, my clinical performance was focused on the Internal
Medicine
 field mainly related to critical
care
, emergency room, and inpatient health
care
.
Additionally
, taking specific continuing education courses to learn the most innovative strategies about COVID-19 management and The Fundamental Critical
Care
 Support certified by The Society of Critical
Care
Medicine
.
Submitted by luciaagudelomotta on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You could improve your essay by explicitly stating your position in response to the prompt in the introduction and conclusion. This would make your argument clearer and stronger.
task achievement
Try to address counterarguments. Discussing both views outlined in the prompt would lead to a more balanced argument and stronger task response score.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to maintain logical flow and increase readability. While your essay is quite coherent, adding more connective phrases can contribute to a smoother flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-organized essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a concluding section. This solid structure enhances readability and cohesiveness.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples and detailed descriptions demonstrates a deep understanding of the subject matter, which strengthens your arguments and makes your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
You provide comprehensive and clear ideas, reflecting a high level of proficiency in articulating thoughts and presenting relevant information.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: