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Band 4

Some people say that modern innovation brings about more problems than benefits? Do you agree or disagree?

#people #innovation
In the modern era, some groups of society believe that new techs will make
the
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apply
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life more difficult for us. With all due respect to
this
 point of view and
cosidering
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considering
drawbacks
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the drawbacks
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 of new devices, I disagree with
this
 statement and I think they have helped us in a lot of things which I'll explain more about in the rest of
this
 essay. To
beging
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begin
 with, advocates of modern innovations tout their many advantages. Nowadays, life is much easier than even a decade ago.
in
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At
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 that time, the internet and
smart phones
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smartphones
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 weren't so rampant to use and
people
 had a lot of trouble
to communicate
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communicating
show examples
 and
find
Wrong verb form
finding
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 accurate data about a topic. But now, you can find everything about a topic with just a search in the google.
In addition
 to being difficult to live
, the
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with, the
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 members of society may
died
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die
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 because of diseases that now we call
them
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apply
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"
undagerous
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dangerous
".
Futhurmore
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Furthermore
, because of the quality of food, inappropriate food distribution and lack of suitable healthcare,
people
 usually
suffered
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suffer
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 from a large array of illnesses which
made
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make
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 them unable to enjoy their life and work.
For example
, about two centuries ago in
the
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apply
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eastern Asia, Tuberculosis was so rampant because of the poor quality of water which led to a disaster and killed
thousand
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thousands
show examples
 of
people
.
On the other hand
, the progress of technology has some critics.
Firstly
,
cellphones
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cell phones
show examples
 and modern devices can increase
the
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apply
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stress among
people
 and reduce the average age of a community.
For example
, the blue light that tablet and laptop screens release can extremely affect the brain and impair
vision
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the vision
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 of teenagers and adults.
Secondly
, technology puts teenagers and vulnerable members of society
into
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in
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 more danger.
Hence
,
the
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parents should take more care
about
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of
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 their children,
besides
to
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apply
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working
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work
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, which brings them more
resposibillity
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responsibility
.
Hacker
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Hackers
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 and online criminals,
for instance
, steal millions of dollars annually
and
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apply
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trick a lot of children
to do
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into doing
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 illegal things and even encourage them to use different drugs.
To conclude
,
progress
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the progress
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 of technology and new devices can save millions of lives yearly and bring more convenience to
humany
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humanity
many
. Meanwhile, some
people
 misuse them and put several lives in
dager
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danger
.
Therefore
, it's important for us to
increace
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increase
the
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apply
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awareness about them and take more care of our families.
Submitted by yasinkooshki13866 on

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Introduction and Conclusion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion both restate the essay prompt and summarize your position clearly. The lack of clarity diminishes the effectiveness of your essay.
Logical Structure
Focus on structuring your essay with clear and logical points. Each body paragraph should introduce one main idea, supported by examples or further explanation.
Supported Main Points
Use specific examples that are directly relevant to support the ideas you put forward in your argument. The examples given should clearly demonstrate the impact of modern innovation.
Complete Response
The response lacks a clear stance throughout the essay, and the points mentioned sometimes diverge from the core topic. Ensure that the essay directly addresses the question and remains focused on the argument.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
Develop comprehensive ideas and present them in a structured manner. Your argument can be greatly improved by presenting coherent points with a clear flow.
Relevant Specific Examples
Incorporate relevant and specific examples to substantiate your arguments effectively. When discussing the effects of modern innovation, use precise and concrete instances.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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