IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#animals #place #st #century #waste #resources
Some people believe that protecting wild
animals
 has no purpose since there is no place to put them in the 21st century.
However
, I disagree with
this
 opinion. On the one hand, these days, numerous countries have their own problems which are related to humans. Rather than using money for protecting
animals
, there is a belief that our lives are a priority. Taxation could be managed
for improving
Change preposition
to improve
show examples
 public services and systems
education
Change preposition
of education
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better future.
For instance
, governments in one country in Africa released a rule that stated money from their citizens means only for them.
As a result
, wild
animals
 would not get any protection, and just let them
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
 without paying attention to their conditions.
On the other hand
, to my mind, wild
animals
 need to be protected even though it would cost
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 amount of money.
This
 action is to avoid extinction
animals
Change preposition
of animals
show examples
 since there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a lot of
animals
 that begin to
rare
Add a missing verb
be rare
show examples
.
Crocodile
Fix the agreement mistake
Crocodiles
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 one of them because people are selfish, they take their skins to make a luxury bag
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their own
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
this
, if there would be a protection place, it means that they would need many people to take care of these
animals
 which makes the governments require to open new jobs.
This
 could be an excellent opportunity as a source of income. In conclusion, I agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 use
expenditure
Change preposition
of expenditure
show examples
 to give
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
protection to wild
animals
 in order to
make
Verb problem
keep
show examples
 them alive rather than managing
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 only for
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
.
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coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a clear and logically structured argument throughout your essay. While there is a clear position, the line of reasoning can sometimes appear slightly disjointed. Consider planning your essay with clear topic sentences and paragraphs that each contain one main idea with supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good. However, aim to make your conclusion a bit stronger by clearly summarizing all of your points, thus reinforcing your position on the topic.
task achievement
Support your main points with a mix of general statements and specific, detailed examples. Provide clear and insightful examples from a range of sources, and ensure they are relevant to the point you are making. The provided examples need to be more impactful and directly tied to the argument you are presenting.
task achievement
The response is complete, and you addressed the task's requirements. Aim to enhance the clarity of your ideas by refining your argument with more precise language and focused points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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