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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. Some say that these are the best people to talk to school students about the dangers of committing a crime? Do you agree or disagree?

#people #prison #citizens #say #school #students #dangers #crime
Some people opine that ex-convicts who have become good citizens are the best educators to teach the younger generation at schools about the negative sides of committing a crime. They can be a speaker to share their real-
life
 consequences
due to
 being in prison and inspire the
students
 to make positive choices in
life
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss why I strongly agree with the statement.
To begin
 with, ex-prisoners who have changed to being good people are supposed to be the best choice to educate youngsters on the cost repercussions of getting into jail. Sharing the realistic and authentic experiences they have been through
while
 becoming prisoners can enrich the knowledge of the youth on how it felt to stay for a long
time
 in prison. They can
also
 raise awareness among the youth to not engage in criminal
crimes
 because it will waste their
time
 to enjoy their lives and reach their dreams. Getting trapped in small places without any communication and connections to the outside is the worst way to spend their golden
time
 in
life
.
For example
, In Vietnam, former prisoners who are having good
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 after being released from jail are offered to warn teens about the potential risks of committing
criminals
Replace the word
crimes
show examples
 and how it has an awful impact on their lives.
As a result
, the rate of
crimes
 in the country is incredibly low.
Furthermore
, The former convicts can advise the
students
 on how their way to overcome their past and make positive choices in
life
. As individuals seasoned, they are more mature with the enriched
life
 learning they have had all
this
time
. It can give a new perspective on how to make a good decision to have a better future.
Students
 can get fresh learning from adults who have had the worst moments in their lives.
For instance
, the former offender in Vietnam
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 advised the younger generation at school to stay away from
crimes
 and prioritize their dreams. Most of the
students
 are contented in hearing the good words from people who have committed
crimes
 in the past.
Therefore
, it can trigger them to make a good choice in their
life
. In conclusion, education about moral values from former criminals who have been good residents should be encouraged because it can give the
students
 a fresh hand learning based on the real experiences of the ex-prisoners.
Submitted by nurulfitriakamilah on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that paragraphs have a clear central topic and the ideas within paragraphs flow smoothly from one to the next through the use of appropriate paragraphing and cohesive devices like linking words or phrases.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support main points with a range of appropriate examples. Develop arguments and ideas fully to ensure the reader can clearly understand the points being made.
Task Achievement
Address all parts of the task presented and provide a clear position throughout the response. Give well-supported and developed ideas that answer the prompt directly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rehabilitation
  • crime deterrence
  • authenticity
  • consequences
  • criminal justice system
  • incarceration
  • recidivism
  • inspire
  • glamorize
  • professional educators
  • law enforcement officers
  • second chances
  • personal growth
  • relatability
  • appropriateness
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