IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is important for people Why might this be the case Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

#countries #home #people #be #case #situation
Having their own property played an important role than renting a
place
 to live in some nations. There are some groups of
people
 who argue that renting is a better solution for living. The first significant reason for having their own
place
 is more comfortable. Living in an area that no
one
 can control is
one
 of the ways to relax,
such
 as the owner can renovate every part of the
place
,
whereas
 renting areas has limitations.
Additionally
, home can gain
people
's attention when having
one
 space, they will have more motivation to push themself to continue
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working hard because they now have more duty on carrying the cost of the
one
 big thing. Owning a house or condominium can
also
 be a reward that represents how
people
 achieve their goals. A variety of properties can be consumed as a business section these days because the cost is considerably increasing every day.
In contrast
, some
people
 disagree with the reason mentioned before. Some might think that owning a big thing
such
 as a house can cause bad mental health because
people
 will have to force themselves to work harder. The expenditure has increased after owning a
place
, they
also
 have to always take care of the maintenance. From my point of view, living in
one
's own space is more beneficial,
such
 as renovating the space, it can
also
 be the reward for hard work, and
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 can get profits on the business property. These things pushed
people
 up from their motivation.
Submitted by piasnatcha09 on

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task response
To improve the task response, ensure that you clearly address all parts of the prompt. Expand on why home ownership is important in some countries, and include a more comprehensive discussion weighing both the positive and negative aspects directly against each other. At the moment, the essay leans heavily towards the positives without fully addressing the counterarguments.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, try to organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Additionally, consider revising to ensure consistent use of tense and perspective, as these shifts can distract from the flow of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
You could strengthen the introduction and conclusion by directly stating your thesis and summarizing the main points. This structure helps to guide the reader through your argument and reinforces your position. Include a specific sentence that clearly states whether you see the situation as positive or negative to make your conclusion more impactful.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
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