Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Many people suggest that the extinction of particular animals and plants is the main environmental issue that humans have to face nowadays,
while
others believe that there is more
important problem that we need to tackle about Add an article
a more
the
nature Correct article usage
apply
such
as global warming as well as
air pollution. However
, I agree with the second statement and both view
will be discussed in Change to a plural noun
views
this
essay.
On the one hand, the loss of animal and plant species
is considered the main problem of nature because of its negative impact on our biodiversity. For example
, if a wild animal species
such
as lion
or tiger were extinct, the other Correct article usage
a lion
animal
would Fix the agreement mistake
animals
also
be affected because these two kind
of animals play a huge role in Change the determiner
this two kind
these two kinds
ecosystem
as they always hunt other Add an article
the ecosystem
an ecosystem
species
to reduce the number of animal
. Change to a plural noun
animals
Hence
, losing a particular animal can cause imbalance
in the ecosystem. Another fundamental Add an article
an imbalance
conquence
is the decrease of food and oxygen. Correct your spelling
consequence
Human
need meat from animals to eat and plants to live so a number of meat is produced every day to meet their demand Fix the agreement mistake
Humans
on
eating. But if these two conditions were lost, people might have to live under the poverty line.
Change preposition
for
On the other hand
, there are more urgent environmental issues than the loss of plant and animal species
. It is undeniable that our mother earth are
facing global warming and Change the verb form
is
also
its negative conquences
. Correct your spelling
consequences
Firstly
, the population density are
rising rapidly today and each person has their own vehicle using Change the verb form
is
leader
petrol. Correct your spelling
leaded
This
is the main reason lead
to air pollution and a warmer earth. Wrong verb form
leading
Moreover
, ozone layer depletion is stemmed from the waste from many industries and transportations
. As we know, the sun is our lives, we can’t live without the light of the sun. If Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
ozone
layer is depleted wider, the blue light from the sun will affect people’s lives and it can Add an article
the ozone
also
lead to the death of human
.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
humans
although
the reduction of wildlife species
is a serious problem, I believe that weather pattern
should Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
also
be more concerned
Replace the word
concern
from
the people and government.Change preposition
for
Submitted by nguyencamnhi on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a fully developed logical structure, as some ideas are not clearly expanded upon. Work on creating more comprehensive paragraphs by ensuring each paragraph contains a clear main idea, expands on that idea with adequate explanation or analysis, and provides specific examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
You did present an introduction and a conclusion, which is good. However, the correlation between them could be strengthened by restating key points and ensuring that your opinion is clear in both. Refine your essay by starting with a stronger thesis statement and concluding with a definitive stance that summarizes your discussion.
task achievement
You have attempted to support your main points with explanations and examples. However, some examples, such as the generic reference to 'lion or tiger,' lack specificity and do not convincingly support your argument. Provide more detailed examples that are directly relevant to your main points to enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.
task achievement
While you have addressed the task and presented ideas related to the topic, your arguments and examples need to be more developed to achieve completeness in response. Be sure to fully address all parts of the prompt and provide more in-depth discussion on both views before giving your own.
task achievement
Your ideas are somewhat clear, but they lack comprehensiveness. To improve, focus on clarifying your main arguments and providing detailed explanations for them. Avoid making broad statements without backing them up with concrete information or research, as this will help your essay to more fully cover the topic in a compelling manner.