IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The government spending a lot of money to discover life on other planets. Some people think that government is wasting money and should spend more money addressing the problems of public. To what extent do you agree?

#government #money #life #planets #people
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In recent years, the allocation of substantial financial resources by governments worldwide towards the
exploration
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 of life on other planets has sparked considerable debate/ нэлээн маргаан дагуулж байна/.
While
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 some argue that these
fundings
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funds
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 need to be allocated for solving essential social
issues
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.
In
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From
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 my perspective, I believe that
exploration
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 of other planets and astronomy is vital,
however
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, the expenditure from
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government
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the government
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 should not adversely affect the budget designated for tackling public societal and environmental concerns.
Firstly
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, humans need to survive in case any catastrophic event occurs on Earth.
Therefore
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, an increasing number of researchers have been exploring outer space and searching for other planets as potential living opportunities. Exploring
this
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 opportunity requires special equipment, laboratories, and specialists, and
this
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 is why the
government
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 spends a lot of money on
this
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 research.
For example
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, NASA, a massive
government
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-funded organization in the US, plays
crucial
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a crucial
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 role in global space
exploration
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. It consistently presents new experiments and innovations for the benefit of humanity.
On the other hand
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, the
government
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 needs to address social
issues
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, as many people worldwide are suffering from fundamental human needs like poverty, famine, and homelessness.
Moreover
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, environmental
issues
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 should be concerned by the
government
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,
such
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 as air, water and soil pollution that are facing challenges to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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humanity in recent years. As long as humans inhabit/live the world, we must be responsible for our surroundings and the well-being of future generations.
Hence
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 ,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 certain percentage of
public
Correct article usage
the public
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 budget
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to
allocate
Wrong verb form
be allocated
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for
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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social and environmental
issues
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.
To conclude
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, both arguments are valid and policy makers need to have careful consideration.
While
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 I consider the
exploration
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 of airspace and astronomy to be essential, it is imperative that the
government
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 allocates funds for the advancement of
this
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 field.
However
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,
such
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 expenditures should not compromise the budget earmarked for addressing societal and environmental
issues
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, including poverty, famine, and contaminant surroundings.
Submitted by zayashdee on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the issue and maintains relevance throughout, showing a balanced view of the topic which is required for a higher band. However, your argumentation could be enhanced by discussing counterarguments in more depth and presenting more precise examples. Ensure that each paragraph expands on a central idea, and that the essay progresses logically from the introduction through the main body to the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is clear, with a sensible introduction and conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in the way ideas are organized and linked. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and vary your sentence structures to improve logical progression. This includes explicit markers for your main points and transitions that guide the reader through your argument effectively. Aim for a mix of complex and simple sentences to clearly articulate your ideas.
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