In today's world many people own a smartphone .Do you thinh advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages

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Nowadays, almost all
people
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in over the world have their
owned
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own
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mobile phones for theirself.
This
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author argued that
people
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can receive many useful for their work and convenient for their lives. So it level up the living outweigh the disadvantages. The most advantageous factor of using a mobile phone is convenience.
In other words
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,
people
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can keep in touch with their relatives who live far away.
For example
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, if you are staying in Vietnam but you want to see your parents in the United Kingdom, you just take your phone and make a video call for them despite being far away.
Thus
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,
cellphones
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cell phones
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can help you save your money, you just stay at home and make a call or text a message. The other benefit
smartphone
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brings to users is
easy
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ease
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to do
Verb problem
of
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shopping online.
In other words
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,
people
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can buy in many apps with the big numbers of things without going to the supermarket or shop.
Additionally
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, you can read
many
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apply
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feedback
of
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from
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previous customers.
For instance
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, when
people
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buy something,they only need to take the phone and rate it from many feedbacks,
then
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they can click to buy easily.
In contrast
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,
the
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apply
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smartphone
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has a big negative effect on
children
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because they give off blue light which is very bad for
children
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's eyes and adults too. Smartphones make
children
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's brains become stupid
children
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because mobile phones have lots of videos by adults but it is not suitable
so
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for
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children
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can learn. So we won't give your
smartphone
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to
children
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to watch. In conclusion, smartphones are very helpful for
people
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's lives and it has lots of benefits to help
people
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live more conveniently. In my opinion, the
smartphone
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is the best thing humans have invented.

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task achievement
The essay meets the minimum criteria for task response but demonstrates a limited use of relevant examples, missing the opportunity to provide comprehensive evidence to support the claims.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a basic logical structure, with an introduction and conclusion, but these components could be better developed. Transitions between ideas should be clearer and the overall organization of the essay could be improved to lead the reader through a more cohesive argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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