Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #service #men #school #idea #system #women

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Nowadays, army development is an essential topic for all over the world. In a large number of

countries

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, military service is mandatory for young men after school graduation.

Although

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, it would be great for other

countries

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to imitate and copy

this

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system for young boys and

also

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girls.

This

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essay will look at the arguments and discuss why

this

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statement is advantageous. First of all, political relationships between most

countries

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are strained and may cause lots of wars.

In addition

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, each

country

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needs an effective defensive strategy for themselves.

This

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means that more and more soldiers are required than ever before.

As a result

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, applying for the military needs to be

requierable

Correct your spelling

required

not only for men but

also

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for women.

For instance

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, Israel is the first

country

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, which has adopted

this

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system

also

Linking Words

for women and now has one of the strongest forces around the world.

Furthermore

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, the army is a wonderful example of self-development.

Consequently

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, it has a wide variety of education, which helps adolescents to become adults and to develop new abilities.

For example

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: discipline, respectfulness, love for their

country

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and self-defence. These skills are important for the life of both genders.

Thus

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, it will be convenient for their

country

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. In conclusion, military service is one of the key points for the world to make peace. If every

country

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had an advanced defence system with lots of soldiers, there would be other and better ways to make political decisions

besides

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war.

Moreover

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, it will

also

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help

countries

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and it's people development.

Submitted by sosokhurtsidzee on Sat Apr 13 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure your essay directly addresses the question, presenting clear opinions and arguments both for and against compulsory military service. This will strengthen your task achievement score.

Task Achievement

Develop your arguments with more specific examples and evidence. This will make your essay more persuasive and improve the support for your main points.

Coherence & Cohesion

For coherence, try to connect your ideas more smoothly by using a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will help the flow of your essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

To improve cohesion, make sure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next by reinforcing your main point and how each example supports your view.

Coherence & Cohesion

You have a strong structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your main points are relevant and generally support your argument effectively.

Task Achievement

You've covered the topic comprehensively, presenting a reasoned argument that reflects an understanding of the main task requirements.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

253 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Compulsory
Military service
Conscription
Patriotism
National security
Social equality
Discipline
Physical fitness
Life skills
Job training
Infringement
Conscripts
Gender equality
Mandatory
Economy
Education system
Labor market
Civil service
Alternative forms
Balanced view

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Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Your opinion

In some countries, there have been schemes to encourage older professional people to retrain as school teachers. Do you feel that this is likely to have beneficial effects on education? Support your point of view with reasons and/or examples from your own experience.

Today, many people do not know their neighbors in large cities. What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have advantages or more disadvantages?

Research shows that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people engage in unhealthy activities. What is the cause of this? What can be done? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences.