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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In recent years a large number of highly skilled professionals like doctors, engineers and IT professionals from poorer companies are leaving their countries for developed countries for better-paying jobs. What are the possible problems of this and what solutions can you suggest to deal with this issue?

#years #professionals #doctors #engineers #companies #countries #jobs
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Brain drain happens when skilled
professionals
 from poorer
countries
 leave their country and migrate to more developed
countries
 in hopes of landing jobs that pay better.
This
 trend is usually prompted by the lack of opportunities and limited job
benefits
 in their home country. I believe that
this
 is a normal occurrence for a number of reasons. Nowadays, skilled
professionals
 like doctors, engineers, and information technologists go abroad to seek better compensation which would allow them to afford a better lifestyle. These
professionals
 go abroad because they are treated well in their home
countries
. They are usually overworked and underpaid and they are not satisfied with the system used by the government in giving their wages and
benefits
.
For example
, during COVID-19, the wages and
benefits
 of nurses in poorer
countries
 were always delayed or worse, not given at all.
Due to
 these delays, they are forced to seek out better treatment
elsewhere
.
Nonetheless
, the best way to solve
this
 is by fixing the system in the government by prioritizing the employee's concerns. The government or companies should provide better working conditions, amenities, and
benefits
such
 as retirement
benefits
, security of tenure, ways to quick promotion, and provide more training and seminars for the professional development of the workforce. There should be more collaborative discussions between the management and workforce so employers can actively see to it that the concerns of the employees are properly addressed. Brain drain is indeed a serious issue for it causes the depletion of skilled
professionals
 in one country. The best way to solve
this
 is by giving better working conditions and opportunities to employees.
Submitted by lwvnyn on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This essay lacks a distinguishable structure with clear paragraphing, which is essential for high coherence and cohesion scores.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points more fully with specific examples. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea supported by examples or explanations.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task, including potential problems and solutions regarding the issue. While the essay mentions problems and solutions, they require more development and specific supporting details.
task achievement
Present clear, comprehensive ideas by explicating arguments more thoroughly. Avoid general statements without concise explanations. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to provide clarity.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Anecdotes or data can help provide a more convincing and concrete response to the prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Brain drain
  • Human capital
  • Economic growth
  • Technological advancement
  • Healthcare crisis
  • Skill gap
  • Remittances
  • Policy reforms
  • International collaboration
  • Skill transfer
  • Incentive programs
  • Infrastructure
  • Job satisfaction
  • Domestic industries
  • Migration
  • Developing nations
  • Career opportunities
  • Recognition awards
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