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Band 6

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good in society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #society #school #place
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There are two different views on how to educate
children
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 to excel in society. Most people assume that teaching them to be good in real life is the responsibility of their parents.
While
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 others believe that
children
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's
education
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 belongs to schools. I perceive that formal
education
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 is the best place for
children
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 to acquire
knowledge
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, so they can be better in their future lives. In my opinion, nurturing the offspring is the responsibility of parents.
However
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, not so many parents have idle time and competence to do it.
For example
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, there are many moms and dads who are full-time workers,
thus
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 they can not forever all day
together with
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 their
kids
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 in their daily lives.
Moreover
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, if they do not have good parenting
knowledge
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 to nurture them,
kids
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 will have difficult times in their learning journey.
Therefore
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, sending
children
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 to
school
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 to enhance their
knowledge
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 and skills in society is the way every parent must choose.
On the other hand
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, learning at
school
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 could upscale the
children
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's skills. Schools have structured curricula which can excel in the
knowledge
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 needed for
children
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 to live in future real life. Formal
education
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also
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 has systematic hierarchies of learning so that the students can learn
according to
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 their capability and age.
In addition
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,
kids
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 can interact and socialise with their peers at
school
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 before they do it directly in society. These points could be an agreeable reason to place
kids
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 at
school
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.
As a result
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, despite the
children
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's
education
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 being the parent's responsibility, schools in many ways have better quality. I believe sending our offspring to formal
education
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 to pursue
knowledge
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 is the best choice for now.
Submitted by aghnia.ulhaq on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the logical structure of the essay is clear by organizing ideas into well-defined paragraphs. Introduction, body, and conclusion should be distinct and serve their purpose.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas and create a smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs. Avoid overuse or misuse.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring that your position is relevant and clear. Develop your main points with explanations and support.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to substantiate arguments. Examples should be insightful and directly tied to the main points being made.
task achievement
Present clear, comprehensive ideas in a well-organized manner. Ensure that each paragraph has a central idea that is elaborated upon coherently.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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