IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals and that this money could be better spent on the human population. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your choice. You should write at least 250 words.

#people #amount #time #money #protection #animals #population #choice
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It is
undeniable
Correct article usage
an undeniable
show examples
 fact that a great deal of
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
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 attracted a question to today's world debate is whether we should
spending
Change the form of the verb
spend
show examples
a mount
Correct your spelling
amount
show examples
 of time and money on
conservation
Correct article usage
the conservation
show examples
 of wildlife or improving livelihood and enhancing
quality
Add an article
the quality
show examples
 of
life
Use synonyms
 of
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
 population. From my perspective, I partly agree the viewpoint that
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 should be
proctected
Correct your spelling
protected
.
However
Linking Words
, the government
also
Linking Words
need
Add the particle
need to
show examples
 enlarge development and investment in
quality
Add an article
the quality
show examples
 of human
life
Use synonyms
.
And
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will be discussed in the following paragraphs. On the one hand,
although
Linking Words
 we have been through many centuries, many parts of the world still suffer from the lack of healthcare,
humanitarian
Correct word choice
and humanitarian
show examples
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
 (war, new diseases, famine, religious/ethnical conflict). A number of people face
poverty- stricken
Correct your spelling
poverty-stricken
show examples
 and dieses circumstances. Economic recession is
ongoing
Add an article
an ongoing
the ongoing
show examples
 cause that people
lose
Fix the infinitive
to lose
show examples
 their jobs which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
consequently
Linking Words
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 inflation rates and unemployment rates
rise
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. A lot of businesses had to
closed
Change the verb
close
show examples
. The priority should be helping to raise the living standards, welfare, well-being, and education of society, which have a negative correlation with adverse effects on the
environment
Use synonyms
. The priority should be helping to raise the living standards, welfare, well-being, and education of society, which have a negative correlation with adverse effects on the
environment
Use synonyms
. Humanity is the main subject; without humans, the
environment
Use synonyms
 would not be defined as itself. Everything gets its meaning from the perspective of humans.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
raise
Wrong verb form
raising
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
funding to save wildlife is very essential. Wild animals
is one
Verb problem
have
show examples
 of vital role in human
life
Use synonyms
. It not only
balance
Change the verb form
balances
show examples
 the ecosystem but
also
Linking Words
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 archives medical
breakthrough
Fix the agreement mistake
breakthroughs
show examples
. Wild animals play important roles in the food chain and are important food sources for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
. If they are
extincted
Correct your spelling
extinct
, the risk of shortage of the food chain is very high, especially in human
life
Use synonyms
 directly affected. Protecting the
environment
Use synonyms
 will ensure a sustainable future for
our
Change the word
the
show examples
 next generation.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
wild
Correct your spelling
wildlife
show examples
life
Use synonyms
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 various benefits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
our
life
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 there are many reasons for protecting wildlife, I believe that the well-being of humans should take precedence
due to
Linking Words
 the numerous dangers they face.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure you provide a clear introduction that presents the topic and your thesis statement, followed by cohesive body paragraphs that support your argument with specific examples. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that is expanded on with detailed explanation and examples.
coherence cohesion
In your conclusion, summarize your main points and restate your opinion clearly. Be explicit in showing the examiner why your argument is balanced, following the line of reasoning established in the introduction and body paragraphs.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. Your essay should give a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument and then give your own opinion. The opinion should be clear throughout the essay—not just at the end—and supported by relevant examples.
task achievement
Develop your main points with more detailed explanations and examples. These examples need to be relevant and specific to the topic in question. They should effectively support your argument and demonstrate the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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