When a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens happier. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It argued that economic
growth
in an affluent country
does not increase
citizen’s happiness
.
I believe that citizens
in wealthy country
do not feel happier by any economic Fix the agreement mistake
countries
increase
.
On one hand, some people
consider that economic growth
and citizens
’ happiness
in developed country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
is
Verb problem
have
positive
correlation.Add an article
a positive
Firstly
, economic growth
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
government
to develop better welfare.
Correct article usage
the government
Citizens
of developed countries
usually feel more happiness
, such
as Finland, and Sweden are both in first and second place in the survey named World Happiness
Report. Citizens
of developed countries
usually feel more happiness
, such
as Finland, and Sweden are both in first and second place in the survey named World Happiness
Report. Based on the developed economy, rich countries
are able to develop better welfare for their citizens
and establish a better environment. Secondly
, economic growth
brings more
comfortable and convenient Correct article usage
a more
life
to people
. Another benefit of economic growth
is that it brings a more comfortable and convenient life
to people
. Once people
get used to being in their comfort zone, people
satisfy
with the comfort and convenience and Change the form of the verb
satisfied
people
feel happier.
On the other hand
, some people
believe that an additional economic increase
in a developed country
indeed not make their citizens
happier. First of all, an additional economic increase
impairs the quality of life
. Economic increase
means that people
have to put more effort at work, and need to get used to longer hours and higher stress at work. It reduces the time that we spend on family and friends and less entertainment in our daily lives, which makes people
feel less pleasure therefore
it does not make citizens
happier. Secondly
, people
always seek for higher goals and desires in the rich countries
. A prosperous country
represents that most people
are satisfied with their basic needs. However
, based on the human nature of chasing the better, with increasing financial ability, people
will expect more and higher goals, and they will never be satisfied. In conclusion, I believe that economic growth
in an affluent country
does not increase
citizens
’ happiness
for the following reasons, an additional economic increase
impairs the quality of life
and people
always seek higher goals and desires in rich countries
.Submitted by cuggikem on
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coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, the essay's structure needs improvement. While there is an attempt at an introduction, main body, and conclusion, the logical flow between ideas is hindered by repetitive sentences and a lack of clear transitions. It's essential to avoid repeating the same information, as seen with the duplicated sentences regarding Finland and Sweden. Additionally, the introduction and conclusion could be more explicit in stating the thesis and summarizing the main points.
task achievement
Concerning task achievement, the essay partially addresses the prompt but lacks depth in exploring the reasons behind the statements made. There is a need for more varied and in-depth examples to strengthen the argument. Avoid vague assertions and provide concrete evidence or studies to support your points. Ensure that the response is fully developed and directly relevant to the question asked, without straying from the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.