IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
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Recently, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 a trend happened among
society
 that a great deal number of
people
 suffering
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
health
 have tried medications and cures for their
diseases
 out of what their doctors have
advisedto
Correct your spelling
advised to
advised
 do. Personally,
although
 there are lots of
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 recover from their illness
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 alternatives, I still think
this
 is a
negaive
Correct your spelling
negative
 development for
society
 because
still
Rephrase
apply
show examples
there are many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 losing
lives
Correct pronoun usage
their lives
show examples
 because of
this
 trying. Here, I would explain my sight on
this
 case. First and foremost, probably
this
 phenomenon starts because
people
 want to save
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
show examples
 of their relatives or even for their own
health
Change noun form
health's
show examples
 sake.
This
 effort
then
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 so common in
society
, because it
is often strengthen
Change the verb form
is often strengthened
show examples
 by the fact that lots of patients
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
recovered
Wrong verb form
recover
show examples
 from their
ilness
Correct your spelling
illness
. Take as an example, in the initial of 2005, the child Ponari
had become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 popular with his magic stone that
cure
Wrong verb form
cured
show examples
 many
diseases
such
 as stroke, heart attack, diabetes and so on.
However
, I still believe that when a person
recover
Change the verb form
recovers
show examples
 from their
ill
Replace the word
illness
show examples
, itsbecause their mindset already set out that he or she will recover, not because
such
Change preposition
of such
show examples
 a stone.
This
 even
become
Verb problem
apply
show examples
worst
Correct word choice
worse
show examples
 when
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 took a role not to educate
people
 at that time but
glorified
Wrong verb form
to glorify
show examples
 Ponari's superpower. I think
this
 perspective has
lead
Replace the word
led
show examples
people
 to believe things without any
prove
Replace the word
proof
show examples
 or
further
 research,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is why
this
 case will bring negative development toward
society
. It is useless for all researchers in
this
 world to find cures for every
diseases
Change to a singular noun
disease
show examples
 if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 's mindset
still
Add a missing verb
is still
show examples
 left behind
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the past. Probably, instant cures that they find from the alternative medications will give them temporary
health
 but in the future will bring them many more
complication
Fix the agreement mistake
complications
show examples
 of
diseases
. As
educate
Wrong verb form
educated
show examples
 and more technophile
people
, we should stick to the official medicines or treatments given by doctors or pharmacies because it is safer and
trustworthy
Correct quantifier usage
more trustworthy
show examples
 rather than the alternatives
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
To sum up
, I think it is a negative development for
society
 to
put
Verb problem
apply
show examples
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
alternatives
Change the noun form
alternative
show examples
 medications more than doctors because it will
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
further
big
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
effect on
heir
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
health
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should present the topic and your thesis, the body should develop your arguments with relevant examples, and the conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your opinion.
Cohesion
Use varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs effectively. This will enhance the flow of your essay and help the reader understand the progression of your thoughts.
Development
Develop your main points with specific examples and explanations. This involves going beyond stating your opinion; you should illustrate your views with concrete evidence or personal experiences that are directly related to the topic.
Task Response
Reply directly to the task's question and maintain focus on it throughout your essay. Each paragraph should contribute to showing whether you believe the development is positive or negative, and you should avoid straying off-topic or being vague in your explanations.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
What to do next:
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