Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #aim #university #education #graduates #jobs #individuals #society

Higher education plays a pivotal role in an individual's professional life. Many people are of the opinion that the role of

university

Correct article usage

a university

show examples

education is to merely facilitate a graduate's

job hunting

Add a hyphen

job-hunting

show examples

endeavours. Others,

however

, believe that the beneficial ramifications a

university

can provide for its students are many.

This

essay analyses both points of view. I believe that

besides

helping graduates find better jobs, a

university

can do much more. On the one hand, the

primal

Correct your spelling

primary

show examples

objective of any

university

is to award a successful candidate with a professional

degree

Although

degree

may not guarantee a

job

, it is

nevertheless

necessary, as employers will not hire an individual without the right kind of academic qualifications. So a

university

degree

increases the

job

prospects of individuals, and

this

is why people are inclined to believe that

this

is the only objective a

university

is supposed to fulfil.

For instance

, more than 80% of parents in South Asian countries believe that their children should have

university

degrees for the sake of getting a better

job

On the other hand

, many believe that a

degree

is just one of the many benefits a

university

can offer. A

university

does improve many soft

skills

of its learners,

such

as confidence, empathy, delegation, observation, imagination, responsibility, planning, analysis, problem-solving

skills

and many more - the importance of which for personal, professional and social success

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

undeniable. These days, many employers seek not only applicants' academic qualifications but

also

important soft

skills

. These soft

skills

help people thrive in their personal

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

contribute

Correct word choice

and contribute

show examples

better to society and the nation.

Thus

university

education goes beyond preparing young minds for their careers. I believe that universities shape young students to become personally, socially and professionally ready to take challenges and contribute more for the betterment of all. Students learn many soft

skills

that help them not only do better in their jobs but

also

become better members of society and develop and grow as individuals.

To conclude

, it is clear from the above discussion that universities emphasise developing their learners'

overall

skills

- including academic, professional and personal

skills

, that are required for success in life

while

also

becoming better citizens

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coherence cohesion

The essay presents a logical structure with a clear introduction that presents the topic and indicates the writer's position. However, the development of ideas can be enhanced by creating stronger links between them. Establishing a more concise flow and using more cohesive devices would improve the cohesion of the essay. Attention to paragraph structure, including clearer topic sentences and consistent development within paragraphs, will benefit your score.

task achievement

You have responded to the task by discussing both views on university education and giving your opinion. However, while the main points are present, they could be developed more fully, with more depth and detail. Consider offering more comprehensive elaboration on each point to exhibit a clear understanding of the topic. Including a wider range of relevant, specific examples could have made the essay stronger and demonstrated a broader knowledge related to the topic. Ensure examples are pertinent and reinforce the argument effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

364 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that the experiences a child has before starting school have the most influence on their future life. Others say that experiences as a teenager, especially at school are more influential. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that secondary or high school students should be taught to use money management as it is an important life skill. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

Some people think that environmental problems are too big for individuals to solve, while others think that the government cannot solve these environmental problems unless individuals make action. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.