IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that tourism promotes the economy while other argue that tourism destroy the environment. Discuss both views and give your oppinion

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It is considered by several individuals that
tourism
Use synonyms
 enriches the economic sector.
In contrast
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, there are others who think that
tourism
Use synonyms
 has harmful effects on the
environment
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I believe that there are some bad behaviours from tourists
while
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 are visiting other countries,
while
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 they are playing a role in flourishing the economy in every visited country. On the one hand, many humans say that
tourism
Use synonyms
 has negative perspectives on the
environment
Use synonyms
.
In other words
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, some travellers do not have sufficient awareness of their role in keeping
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature clean which they have visited and they do wrong activities.
For example
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, many people throw rubbish in the sea
while
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 they are lying on beaches as sightseers.
In addition
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 , these bad behaviours can cause environmental problems,
such
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 as the extinction of some species in the sea
due to
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 unclean water like some fish and creatures.
On the other hand
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, numerous individuals think that
tourism
Use synonyms
 promotes the economy. For more explanations,
tourism
Use synonyms
 contributes to the financial growth of every country.
Moreover
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,too many revenues are generated near the monuments and tourist attractions through the travellers spending
accommodations
Change preposition
on accommodations
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 and other basic needs like meals.
For instance
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 , Petra is a monument
that is
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 located in Jordan.
Furthermore
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, many hotels are built near the tourists' views to meet every traveller's needs.
As a result
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,
this
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 will enrich the
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 perspective of the country.
Finally
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, in my opinion, whether
tourism
Use synonyms
 destroys the
environment
Use synonyms
 or not. It enriches the
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 side by the increased extended investments ,
such
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 as huge malls specified for shopping which can attract tourists to buy their needs and souvenirs
as well as
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 support the financial growth. In conclusion, many people believe that
tourism
Use synonyms
 makes several destructions in the
environment
Use synonyms
,
while
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 others think that it will make a positive progress in the economy sector.
Tourism
Use synonyms
 has an effective role in boosting economics.

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task achievement
Your essay presents both sides of the argument and offers a clear opinion, which is good. However, ensure that each paragraph clearly addresses a single main idea and remains focused on that idea throughout. Some areas could be better developed with more detailed examples or explanations to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
You've made a good attempt at structuring the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To improve coherence and cohesion, work on logically organizing your thoughts and using a range of cohesive devices effectively. Ensure that paragraphs transition smoothly from one to another. Also, be careful with the repetition of ideas; aim to vary your language and sentence structures more.
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