IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Since most information about culture and history can be found online, museums and art galleries are no longer needed. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#information #culture #history #museums #art #galleries
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Nowadays, the
internet
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 can give us the convenience to be able to access all the
information
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 anywhere and anytime.
As a result
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, since the
internet
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 provides most
information
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 about
culture
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 and
history
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,
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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 are no longer needed.
However
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, I fully disagree with
this
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 view, because
museums
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 and
galleries
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 can give us different experiences and can serve as a reliable historical source of
information
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.
To begin
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 with, visiting
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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 gives a totally different
experience
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.
People
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 can feel the real-time
experience
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 in person when they visit
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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. In physical
museums
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 and
galleries
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,
people
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 can see and even touch the details of the work to know and
experience
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 better than just
read
Wrong verb form
reading
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 through the
internet
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.
Furthermore
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, there will be a chance to meet other
people
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 from various backgrounds to share different perspectives on ideas, since we know that there will be so many differences when it comes to interpreting
information
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 from one another.
Also
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,
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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 can be platforms for local artists to show their knowledge about the
culture
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 and
history
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 that exist in their area. Ironically, most of the
information
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 given on the
internet
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 is not made by
people
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 who have a direct insight into the
information
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 they provide.
This
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 means local artists who know more about
culture
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 and
history
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 do not have a platform to express their work, even though they are the ones who are in direct contact with these conditions. In conclusion, online
information
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 about
culture
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 and
history
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 can’t replace the existence of
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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, they still need to
be existed
Change to the active voice
exist
have existed
show examples
, because visiting
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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 will give you a better real
experience
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.
Besides
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, they can provide a place for local artists to work with relevant expertise.
Submitted by Agreita Salsabila on

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relevant specific examples
Expand on your examples to show specific insights. For instance, you could mention particular museums or artworks that provide unique experiences, or discuss specific cultural artifacts that locals understand best.
task achievement
To strengthen your argument, consider addressing potential counterarguments, such as the convenience and cost-effectiveness of accessing information online.
introduction conclusion present
The essay contains a strong introduction and a clear conclusion, effectively summarizing the main points.
logical structure
Main points are clear and logically structured, with well-developed paragraphs that transition smoothly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive
  • hands-on experience
  • interactive exhibits
  • preservation
  • cultural and historical artifacts
  • safeguarded
  • community engagement
  • heritage
  • authenticity
  • curated exhibits
  • scholarly input
  • misinformation
  • economic impact
  • tourism
  • emotional and aesthetic responses
  • atmosphere
  • ambiance
What to do next:
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