IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#animals #place #st #century #waste #resources
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Some
people
 argue that there is no reason to protect wild
animals
 is a waste of time. From my point of view, I completely disagree with
this
 view, and
this
 essay will address the reasons for my views.
To begin
 with, not only for human benefit but
also
animals
 play a role in creating human
life
. In the modern age,
people
's demands increased so
people
 use
animals
 are part of their lives when producing and providing food for
people
.
For instance
,
animals
such
 as bees, insects, and birds will help the tree's source of
life
 grow and provide natural raw material for food production. If
people
 had not looked after wild
animals
, they would have lost their food sources.
As a result
, wild
animals
 are safeguarded by
people
.
In addition
,
people
 must be responsible for taking care of
animals
.
Animals
 do not affect humans just
people
 impact
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
life
.
Also
, the vital benefit balance of natural
ecosystems
.
As well as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
ecosystems
 support
people
 to have a healthy lifestyle and maintain their health. Both
animals
 and
ecosystems
 will combine together in order to regulate climate to avoid natural disasters and floods. Deforestation is an example,
causing
Change preposition
of causing
show examples
 many serious problems for
people
 and the loss of natural
ecosystems
.
In other words
, an imbalance of flora and fauna like unusual climate and weather impacts their health.
Therefore
,
people
 should invest in protecting wild
animals
. In conclusion,
although
animals
 are part of
people
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, I believe that
people
 need to protect them.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure proper argument structure by providing a clear thesis, supporting arguments, and a conclusion that summarizes your key points. Use topic sentences to develop main points, and maintain paragraph unity.
coherence cohesion
Avoid the repetition of ideas and aim to provide a deeper insight into each main point with clear and relevant examples to enhance arguments. This tactic ensures that each paragraph contributes uniquely to the essay's strength.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task, including the assertion presented, and develop a balanced argument for or against it. Provide relevant examples to support your opinion, and ensure that each idea adds substance to your argument.
task achievement
Strive for clarity and precision in presenting your ideas. This includes clearly stating your opinion and providing comprehensive support for your points throughout the essay.
task achievement
To achieve higher marks, incorporate a wider range of specific examples to fortify your arguments. These should be relevant to the prompt and add weight to your statements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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