IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#animals #place #st #century #waste #resources
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Some
people
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 argue that there is no reason to protect wild
animals
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 is a waste of time. From my point of view, I completely disagree with
this
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 view, and
this
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 essay will address the reasons for my views.
To begin
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 with, not only for human benefit but
also
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animals
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 play a role in creating human
life
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. In the modern age,
people
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's demands increased so
people
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 use
animals
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 are part of their lives when producing and providing food for
people
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.
For instance
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,
animals
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such
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 as bees, insects, and birds will help the tree's source of
life
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 grow and provide natural raw material for food production. If
people
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 had not looked after wild
animals
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, they would have lost their food sources.
As a result
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, wild
animals
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 are safeguarded by
people
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.
In addition
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,
people
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 must be responsible for taking care of
animals
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.
Animals
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 do not affect humans just
people
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 impact
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
life
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.
Also
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, the vital benefit balance of natural
ecosystems
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.
As well as
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,
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apply
show examples
ecosystems
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 support
people
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 to have a healthy lifestyle and maintain their health. Both
animals
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 and
ecosystems
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 will combine together in order to regulate climate to avoid natural disasters and floods. Deforestation is an example,
causing
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of causing
show examples
 many serious problems for
people
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 and the loss of natural
ecosystems
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.
In other words
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, an imbalance of flora and fauna like unusual climate and weather impacts their health.
Therefore
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,
people
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 should invest in protecting wild
animals
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. In conclusion,
although
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animals
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 are part of
people
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's
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, I believe that
people
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 need to protect them.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure proper argument structure by providing a clear thesis, supporting arguments, and a conclusion that summarizes your key points. Use topic sentences to develop main points, and maintain paragraph unity.
coherence cohesion
Avoid the repetition of ideas and aim to provide a deeper insight into each main point with clear and relevant examples to enhance arguments. This tactic ensures that each paragraph contributes uniquely to the essay's strength.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task, including the assertion presented, and develop a balanced argument for or against it. Provide relevant examples to support your opinion, and ensure that each idea adds substance to your argument.
task achievement
Strive for clarity and precision in presenting your ideas. This includes clearly stating your opinion and providing comprehensive support for your points throughout the essay.
task achievement
To achieve higher marks, incorporate a wider range of specific examples to fortify your arguments. These should be relevant to the prompt and add weight to your statements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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