Because of the rising cost of housing, many young people are increasingly being forced to live with their parents into their 30’s. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Humans live in the industrial era where it is more likely to see factories than a housing complex.
This
phenomenon pushes many individuals, especially young people, to continously
live Correct your spelling
continuously
in
the same roof with their parents even Change preposition
under
they
are already Correct word choice
though they
pushing
30s. The majority say that the advantages outlay the disadvantages and Verb problem
in their
this
essay will further
that view in the paragraphs below.
First and foremost, property in today's price is dramatically increase
and most likely impossible to buy especially if many workers are getting paid only with the minimum wage. The financial Wrong verb form
increasing
issue
in various countries have Fix the agreement mistake
issues
lead
the citizens to hardly save or invest their money Wrong verb form
led
on
housing and allocate the allowance to stuff they need the most. They tend to cover their daily Change preposition
in
neccassities
first like food, Correct your spelling
necessities
clothings
, and health. To live in Change the wording
clothing
items of clothing
articles of clothing
the
house Correct article usage
a
that is
already there indeed make
their Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
live
easier as they do not have to worry Replace the word
lives
where
to sleep or contemplate Change preposition
about where
to spend
any huge expenses on buildings.
Change the verb form
spending
Moreover
, to live with their parents mean
they maintain the bond between each family Correct subject-verb agreement
means
members
. It is undeniable that the advance of Fix the agreement mistake
member
the
technology makes Correct article usage
apply
the
society Correct article usage
apply
becomes
individualists. Correct subject-verb agreement
become
This
issue can be solved with build
the current connection starting Change preposition
by building
from
humans that share the same blood. Rather than contacting them only through the device, people will get in touch physically Change preposition
with
everyday
with their families Replace the word
every day
everytime
they wake up. Replace the word
every time
Thus
, they will not ever feel homesick.
To sum up
, the major upward trend on
residential Change preposition
in
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
making
most of the Wrong verb form
makes
young-adults
live Correct your spelling
young adults
in
their childhood roof, even though they do not Change preposition
under
intent
to make that decision. Yet, there are still versatile benefits that they can get from Replace the word
intend
that
circumstances. Correct determiner usage
those
For instance
, they can assign their savings on
their priorities Change preposition
to
instead
of buy
a lot or Wrong verb form
buying
rent
a house because the property value is already out of their league. Wrong verb form
renting
On the other hand
, it will enrich their relationships between their siblings and parents.Submitted by writingielts0 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay attempts to present a logical structure but needs to improve the flow and connectivity between points. Usage of linking words and clear paragraphs would enhance coherence.
Coherence & Cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present but could be clearer and more concise. They should succinctly present and summarize the main points and your position on the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Main points are presented, but the supporting details are lacking in depth and specificity. Aim to develop points further with clear, relevant examples and analysis.
Task Achievement
The response touches on the task but fails to fully address all parts of the prompt. Ensure that the essay discusses the advantages and disadvantages equally and also clearly states if one outweighs the other.
Task Achievement
Ideas are presented but lack comprehensive depth. Try to expand on the ideas by explaining how they directly relate to the topic and demonstrate a full understanding of the subject.
Task Achievement
There is a scarcity of relevant, specific examples to support the claims. Include examples to illustrate your points, making sure they are directly related to the topic and your discussion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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