Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In these modern days, the development of technology is advanced and plays an important role in our
life
. Everyone will have some electronic gadgets Fix the agreement mistake
lives
such
as smartphones
, laptops and tablets. In addition
, some children
might spend a lot of time on their smartphones
. In this
essay, I will discuss the pros and cons of this
case.
There is no doubt that we can't live without smartphones
in our daily lives, we use them to communicate, search for information and entertainment. There are many online classes rise
these days so Verb problem
apply
that
Correct word choice
apply
children
need to attend classes by using their smartphones
. On top of that, they will need to use search engines to get certain information or some function of it, for example
, Google Translate, google document and Google Forms. Besides
, smartphones
are the
entertainment platforms for Correct article usage
apply
children
. For instance
, they can watch videos through YouTube. It can let them have an opportunity to learn new things.
In contrast
, it brings some drawbacks. Normally, children
don't have enough self-control, they might spend many hours on their phones. The inflation of phones will hurt their eyes and probably have
an eye sighting. In Verb problem
cause
this
case, they will need to wear a spec for the whole of their life, Moreover
, children
can't focus on doing their homework after playing games on their mobile phones. Therefore
, student's studies and results will be affected.
In a nutshell, by weighing out both sides
arguments, the positive cannot sugar-coat the negative impacts. Parents should control the time that Change noun form
side's
sides'
children
spend on their smartphones
to overcome the disadvantages.Submitted by sientan04 on
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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction directly addresses the questions posed in the prompt. Your current introduction is too general and doesn't clearly outline your position on whether children spending hours on their smartphones is positive or negative.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a more logical structure by having clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that signal the main point you will discuss. Avoid having paragraphs that seem to list ideas without expanding on them.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples. General statements such as 'It can let them learn new things' lack the illustrative detail needed to strengthen an argument. Include real-world examples or statistics to support your points.
task achievement
Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay and states a clear opinion. The current conclusion is weak as it does not reflect on the arguments presented and does not make your position clear.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and vocabulary. There are several errors throughout your essay which could be avoided with careful proofreading and practicing advanced grammatical structures.
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