IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Vaccination of children against preventable disease is not only unnecessary but also dangerous. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is clear that
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 there are various types of vaccines for kids.
While
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 some people argue that it is dangerous and are worried about the side effects, I totally disagree with
this
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 view and I believe that vaccines are essential for kids’ safety. On the one hand, several parents refuse to vaccinate their children because of the negative side effects
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likewise
Rephrase
such as
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 fever, and itches.
Although
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 only a small percentage of
this
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 case, there is a huge risk for kids who
intolerant
Add a missing verb
are intolerant
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 to the substances.
For example
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, not every
juveniles
Change to a singular noun
juvenile
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 can
receipt
Replace the word
receive
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 covid-19 shot as it is too strong, and if they are feeling unwell and
got
Wrong verb form
get
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 injected, it will lead to more harmful sickness.
However
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, several of them who undergo
this
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 booster injection might show various reactions that
causes
Change the verb form
cause
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fears
Fix the agreement mistake
fear
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 to raisers.
On the other hand
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, despite the uncommon perils
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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shown in public, avoiding booster shots can potentially lead to a severe problem
as well as
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 diverting the virus to other kids who have not been vaccinated yet.
For instance
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, in the USA, there are a bunch of cases of newborns who almost did not survive dangerous viruses, and most of them got those from their siblings, unconsciously.
This
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 is because boosters play the main role in creating
antibody
Fix the agreement mistake
antibodies
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 which infants do not have
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. If they
do
Verb problem
are
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 not injected, their bodies will easily infected by hazardous microorganisms.
Therefore
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, nurturers can not neglect
this
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 phenomenon. In conclusion,
due to
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 the importance of offspring’s antibody and the potential risks, I believe that under no circumstances children should be vaccinated, even though there are several negative side

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task response
Your introduction suggests a clear position, but the conclusion is incomplete. It is essential to have a fully developed conclusion that reiterates your main argument and provides a sense of closure.
task response
You should develop clear and comprehensive ideas throughout the essay. Many points are introduced but not fully expanded upon, which leaves your argument underdeveloped.
task response
Providing specific examples strengthens your argument. You have named certain situations regarding vaccination side effects and risk prevention, but more detailed instances or data would enhance effectiveness.
coherence and cohesion
The overall logical structure of your essay is adequate, but transitions between points can be smoother. Use conjunctions and cohesive devices more effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure all main points raised in the essay are consistently developed and supported by arguments or examples. Each paragraph should clearly relate to the central topic.
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