Vaccination of children against preventable disease is not only unnecessary but also dangerous. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is clear that
Linking Words
there are various types of vaccines for kids.
While
Linking Words
some people argue that it is dangerous and are worried about the side effects, I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
view and I believe that vaccines are essential for kids’ safety. On the one hand, several parents refuse to vaccinate their children because of the negative side effects
Linking Words
likewise
Rephrase
such as
show examples
fever, and itches.
Although
Linking Words
only a small percentage of
this
Linking Words
case, there is a huge risk for kids who
intolerant
Add a missing verb
are intolerant
show examples
to the substances.
For example
Linking Words
, not every
juveniles
Change to a singular noun
juvenile
show examples
can
receipt
Replace the word
receive
show examples
covid-19 shot as it is too strong, and if they are feeling unwell and
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
injected, it will lead to more harmful sickness.
However
Linking Words
, several of them who undergo
this
Linking Words
booster injection might show various reactions that
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
fears
Fix the agreement mistake
fear
show examples
to raisers.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, despite the uncommon perils
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
shown in public, avoiding booster shots can potentially lead to a severe problem
as well as
Linking Words
diverting the virus to other kids who have not been vaccinated yet.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the USA, there are a bunch of cases of newborns who almost did not survive dangerous viruses, and most of them got those from their siblings, unconsciously.
This
Linking Words
is because boosters play the main role in creating
antibody
Fix the agreement mistake
antibodies
show examples
which infants do not have
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. If they
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
not injected, their bodies will easily infected by hazardous microorganisms.
Therefore
Linking Words
, nurturers can not neglect
this
Linking Words
phenomenon. In conclusion,
due to
Linking Words
the importance of offspring’s antibody and the potential risks, I believe that under no circumstances children should be vaccinated, even though there are several negative side
Submitted by sidneynatasha16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your introduction suggests a clear position, but the conclusion is incomplete. It is essential to have a fully developed conclusion that reiterates your main argument and provides a sense of closure.
task response
You should develop clear and comprehensive ideas throughout the essay. Many points are introduced but not fully expanded upon, which leaves your argument underdeveloped.
task response
Providing specific examples strengthens your argument. You have named certain situations regarding vaccination side effects and risk prevention, but more detailed instances or data would enhance effectiveness.
coherence and cohesion
The overall logical structure of your essay is adequate, but transitions between points can be smoother. Use conjunctions and cohesive devices more effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure all main points raised in the essay are consistently developed and supported by arguments or examples. Each paragraph should clearly relate to the central topic.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: