IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us buy things. Other people think that is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
While
Linking Words
 many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that advertising is highly successful in convincing individuals to purchase things, others argue that advertising is so commonplace in today's world that
people
Use synonyms
 don't even recognise it.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both sides of the argument in detail,
along with
Linking Words
 presenting my opinion. On the one hand, nowadays,
advertisements
Use synonyms
 might have a big influence in different ways.
In other words
Linking Words
, companies might create a huge impact by using various ways. Take,
for example
Linking Words
, in the film industry, a movie called Barbie which is a doll, created a huge effect on
people
Use synonyms
 and company sales increased hugely only in a week.
Moreover
Linking Words
, another way can be using celebrities. Most of the celebrities have large followings and
therefore
Linking Words
, they might create big influence by promoting an item.
For instance
Linking Words
, Jack Harlow, a young hip-hop star, has signed a deal with New Balance company and
as a result
Linking Words
, company revenue rose exceptionally.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
advertisements
Use synonyms
 are too common and these examples are just exceptions.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in the modern world,
advertisements
Use synonyms
 can be found everywhere.
This
Linking Words
 is because technology has developed incredibly and
as a result
Linking Words
, it has become too easy for firms to promote their product.
For instance
Linking Words
, on every website, there are at least 4 or 5
advertisements
Use synonyms
. Not only on websites, in internet videos and on television too. In televisions, the
advertisements
Use synonyms
 are so frequent that
people
Use synonyms
 can't even watch what they want to watch.
As a consequence
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are so tired of
this
Linking Words
 situation that they don't even bother to look at the product.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe that advertising is not successful because it has become too common and individuals get tired of
this
Linking Words
 situation.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
The introduction lacks a preview of the main points that will be covered in the essay. The thesis statement could be clearer.
logical structure
Include a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to logically organize the essay. The transition between topics and ideas needs improvement.
supported main points
Develop ideas more fully with further explanation or analysis. Some ideas are not fully expanded, which affects the depth of the argument.
complete response
Ensure a complete response to the task by addressing all parts of the prompt. The essay presents both views, but the development of personal opinion could be more nuanced and integrated throughout the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on expressing ideas in a clearer, more comprehensive manner. Avoid overly general statements without sufficient clarification or detail.
relevant specific examples
Relevant examples are given but could be more specific or pertinent to better support the main ideas. It will reinforce your argument effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
Look at other essays: