IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that advertising has positive economic effects. Others think it has negative social effects because it makes people feel dissatisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some argue that advertising has positive
effects
Use synonyms
 on the economy because it is an effective method to ramp up sales.
Conversely
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, others believe that it invites negative
effects
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 by making
people
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 dissatisfied and buying more stuff.
Although
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 it possesses negative aspects because it causes impulsive buying,
this
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 essay thinks that advertisement brings more positive
effects
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 to the companies. On the one hand,
people
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 believe that advertisements will cause individuals to feel insufficient and want to buy more of the items.
This
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 is because the promotion highlights distinctive features that are superior to the existing stuff in the market.
Thus
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 the public will be enticed to try and buy the items. Especially when
this
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 marketing program uses influencers to promote their
products
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.
For example
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, a skincare brand pays beauty influencers to review positively their newly launched product.
People
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 who see
this
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 promotional post will think that the product works well even though these public figures already have healthy and perfect skin conditions before using the
products
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.
Therefore
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, women impulsively buy them because they want to have a better appearance.
However
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, as grown-ups, they can restrain their desire for non-primary needs.
In addition
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, brands without advertising their
products
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, will face difficulty in introducing their innovations to the public.
On the other hand
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, the effective way to introduce innovations to the market is by advertising.
This
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 is because brands can emphasize the features of their innovations which have competitive advantages compared to similar items in the market. A marketing campaign is a way to invite
people
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 to try and buy their
products
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. Better sales bring more revenue to the company. The profitable company contributes to the positive economic climate.
For instance
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, Shopee conducted many promotional campaigns to enhance its gross merchandise value.
This
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 good performance improves the employees’ welfare.
This
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 essay believes that advertisements bring positive
effects
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 to economic growth through higher sales and better performance. In conclusion,
although
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 promotion activities invoke individuals to buy complementary stuff that can enhance their lives, they should be seen as a way to generate more revenue for the companies and affect positively the economy in a greater landscape.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear and logical progression of ideas. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to help the reader follow the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure the introduction and conclusion serve their purpose. The introduction should clearly introduce the topic and your thesis, while the conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by evidence or examples. Develop your arguments fully to ensure a deeper analysis and a more convincing essay.
Task Achievement
Address all parts of the task, ensuring that you discuss both sides of the argument and provide a clear personal opinion. Make sure your response is relevant to the question throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Present ideas clearly and develop them comprehensively, with sufficient detail to support each point. Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures to convey your ideas effectively.
Task Achievement
Include specific examples that are fully developed and relevant to the topic. These should be used to support your main points and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the subject.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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