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Band 7.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #governments #society
Individuals have different views about whether an increase in older
generations
' population is beneficial for society and governments or not.
While
 some people believe that the elderly bring several issues for the nations, I definitely agree that the positive effects of having more old residents outweigh its negative effects. On the one hand, it is accepted by the majority of people that older
generations
 need
further
 care
due to
 their disease potential
such
 as cancer and diabetes.
Additionally
, more money should be spent on the expenses of the curing process.
Also
, the fact that they are not able to do their own tasks leads to some trouble for their children and society as well. They have to spend time and money to take care of the sick elderly. As an example, we witness elderly houses where are full of those parents whose children do not have the possibility of looking after them.
On the other hand
, there is ample evidence that a large number of grandparents provide some comfort for their children by taking care of grandchildren.
This
 will reduce their
lives'
Change noun form
lives
show examples
 expenses since there is no need to pay for the kindergartens.
Moreover
, it is self-evident that the experience elderly people have achieved during their lives is very precious to be used by youngsters.
That is
 the reason why some companies try to employ retired staff rather than the younger and more energetic ones.
Consequently
,
although
 some states consider that the older
generations
 are a load on the authorities' shoulders, I am of the opinion that they simplify some aspects of the younger
generations
' lives and their valuable experience can be useful for both their family and society.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. This will help strengthen your case and make your points more persuasive.
lexical resource
For further improvement, you could explore a wider range of vocabulary to express nuances in your argumentation more effectively.
grammatical range and accuracy
Consider varying your sentence structures even more to demonstrate a high level of English proficiency throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have done an excellent job at maintaining coherence and cohesion throughout your essay. The logical flow of information and clear paragraphing made your argument easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-written and bookend your arguments effectively, indicating a strong understanding of how to structure an argumentative essay.
task achievement
You effectively addressed the task with a clear stance, and your arguments were relevant and well-supported.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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