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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many parents choose to teach their children at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the benefits of homeschooling outweigh its drawbacks?

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Nowadays, many
parents
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 tend not to send their
kids
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 to school and
instead
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, they teach them at home. There may be some benefits and some weak points for
this
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 decision. In spite of being aware of the advantages of
this
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 action, I personally consider it quite negative. An extensive number of
kids
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 are taught at home by their own
parents
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due to
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 diverse factors.
Firstly
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, schools are alleged to not be a safe environment for some
children
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due to
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 several reasons
such
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 as bullying. Just consider thousands of pupils, who have been bullied at school by other
kids
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. To tackle
this
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 obstacle,
parents
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 prefer to homeschool their offspring
such
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 that, they could prevent
further
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 repercussions.
Secondly
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, schools may lack educational
quality
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, making
parents
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 unsatisfied.
For instance
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, some classes contain more than twenty students and tutors are not able to focus on every child. What
this
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 often leads to is dicreasement of educational
quality
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. Regarding these issues,
parents
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 homeschool their
children
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 not only to enhance teaching
quality
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 but
also
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 to allocate more attention to their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
.
On the other hand
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, homeschooling might have many problems. The major problem may be reducing
kids
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' social skills.
For instance
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, Homeschooling can make
children
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 isolated.
This
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 often exacerbates social anxiety and in the future, these
kids
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 are not able to make strong communication with others.
As well as
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 that,
parents
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 may not be able to teach their
children
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 very well. Even though many
parents
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 try their best to provide every essential skill for teaching, Tutors have earned more experience in
this
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 field and are experts in comparison with
parents
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. In conclusion, many
parents
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 may consider homeschooling the best option for their
children
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’s education,
however
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, owing to the side effects of
this
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 action
such
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 as isolating
kids
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 and the lack of teaching
quality
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 at home, the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. So I strongly think every child must be sent to school.

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coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The logical flow could be improved by providing clearer transitions between points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion presented show an understanding of the task, however, work on paraphrasing the prompt more efficiently to avoid repetition.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported but would benefit from more detailed examples and evidence to further strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You have responded to the task, presenting both sides of the argument, but for a higher score, you should ensure that your personal opinion is consistent and clear throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and you have communicated them in a comprehensive way. Still, to achieve a higher score, each paragraph should have one clear main idea with thorough development.
task achievement
You have provided some examples to support your ideas; however, for a higher band score, use more specific and varied examples to demonstrate the points being made.
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