Billions of dollars are being wasted on space research. The money used could be better if used to improving condition on people on earth. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, humans do not care about the environment that they are living in that much and the issue is social media, it shows that if someone cares about the earth and just wants to say that he or she is different, the main problem that most of the CEOs of big companies are now spending millions of dollars on Galaxy, because the future is in the skies,
this
topic will be discussed in an essay furthermore
.
Firstly
, the society in charge of most companies makes money from selling things that are plastics and not good for nature, the reason is that if they make them from nature-friendly chemicals it will be a lot more expensive, however
in many of the countries it is becoming a law that factories should only make plastics that can be recycled.
Secondly
, spending money on something new is a lot easier than spending it on things that we humans ruined , most nations believe that not all populations should be equal and there should be a difference between poor and rich, but not only this
reason is not acceptable but also
some community believe in killing poor people to make the earth a lot easier for living, for example
, 50 years ago this
happened in Germany and many societies died because of their race.
To conclude
, I believe that money should be used in both ways, half of it on the environment, hungry people, global warming and cures for special sicknesses and half of it on finding a living creature in space and spaceships.Submitted by behnazahmadi2004 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction that presents the topic and the writer's opinion on it. There should be an opening paragraph that introduces the topic, followed by a clear thesis statement expressing the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement.
coherence cohesion
The main points and the progression between them are somewhat unclear and illogical. Each paragraph should present a main point that relates directly to the essay question, followed by supporting details and examples. The use of transitional words and phrases to connect ideas could be improved.
task achievement
The essay does not fully answer the essay question. It branches off into topics that are not directly related to the statement in the question, such as the role of social media and murder of societies. The essay should remain focused on whether the money spent on space research could be better spent on Earth.
task achievement
The essay presents some ideas related to the topic, but clarity and comprehensive exploration of these ideas are limited. The writer should focus on clearly expressing their points with fully developed explanations and relevant examples.
task achievement
Specific examples that relate to the essay question, such as pertinent statistics or real-life instances where money could be better allocated, should be included to strengthen the argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.