IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In many countries, an increase in crime has be blamed on violent images on television and in computer games. To what extend do you agree

#countries #crime #images #television #computer #games
In
this
 day and age, the rate of crime in several countries is rising.
However
, I strongly agree that violent images, social media and video
games
 contribute to increasing crime rates.
To begin
 with, video
games
 or social media impact with nation's behaviour and physiologies some people change their personalities because of the media that they're always watching.
Moreover
, television and computer
games
 have the most influence on children who spend time with them without their parents some kids copy characters from video
games
 and computers.
For instance
, many news about kids today always mention the behaviour that changes in young adults during the character that they consume or bullying in school cause by remember movies that they watched and think it is cool without thinking about the mental health of the person who was bullied.
As well as
 , in adults who prefer to watch violent clips, images and movies.
Furthermore
, nowadays they can share violent pictures on social networks that everyone can access and it is easy to contact a community who likes the same genre which might make them think it is usual.
In addition
 , maybe
this
 community will be one factor in crime.
To sum up
, the most affection of issue is social publishing that easy to access and lacks discretion among radio consumers in children or even adults. In my opinion, we can set up positive television for youth to watch but for older folks, it is hard to control.
Submitted by np.napatping on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the task prompt, outlining the writer's agreement with the statement. However, ensure that all points presented are relevant and directly support the thesis.
coherence cohesion
Increase the logical flow and connection between sentences and paragraphs. Use transitional phrases more often and try to expand on your ideas with relevant examples.
task achievement
Consider providing more developed specific examples to support your points and ensure they are clear and well-explained.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively and makes a clear position known.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, giving the essay a structured beginning and end.
coherence cohesion
There are some logical connections between points, and the general structure of the essay is clear.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • correlation
  • aggressive behavior
  • desensitization
  • copycat effect
  • media literacy
  • violent imagery
  • scapegoat
  • media consumption
  • psychological impact
  • content rating
  • parental supervision
  • media influence
  • computer games
  • behavioral studies
  • socio-economic factors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: