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Band 5.5

Some people think that countryside life is healthier while others believe that city is better in order to have a healthy lifestyle. Discuss both views with your own perception.

#people #countryside #life #city #lifestyle #perception
Modernizations and technologies have provided several pathways and choices to live our lives. For some
people
, living in the
city
 can give more support for a healthier lifestyle,
while
 others think healthier habits can be gained if we live far from modernization in the countryside. I strongly agree with the latter and will explain both principles and my opinion on
this
 issue.
To begin
 with, many
people
 believe that the
city
 could provide many facilities to support our way to a healthier
life
.
For example
, many cities have provided public facilities to do physical activities and sports,
such
 as stadiums, gyms, and running tracks. These facilities are created by the government to ensure that their
people
 can have a healthier lifestyle and good physical health.
In addition
, the
city
 could connect many communities to ensure better lifestyles,
such
 as yoga and vegetarian communities.
However
, some
people
 think that living in the countryside could lead to a balanced
life
 of physical and mental health. Countrysides are mostly located in the outskirts of the country, far from the busy, noisy, and crowded cities. These areas could still be counted as rural and natural areas where many trees and fresh air are still available. Other than that, we could obtain many variants of fresh vegetables and fruits at a lower price, compared to the
city
, which could ensure a balanced diet.
Therefore
, many
people
 have chosen
Correct article usage
the countrysides
show examples
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
show examples
 as an option to live in their
elder
Correct your spelling
older
show examples
 age. In conclusion, there are several places to live that can be options to ensure our healthy
life
, and each of them
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own advantages. I believe that a well-being
life
 can be achieved by living in the countryside where it already
served
Wrong verb form
serves
show examples
 natural options to support a good
life
.
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout the response. Make sure to elaborate further on your examples to fully support the main points. You should aim to provide broader and more detailed examples to back up your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a general logical structure, with an introduction and a conclusion. However, coherence could be improved by ensuring smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Usage of a wider range of cohesive devices could also enhance the flow of information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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