IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In nations that have already gained great wealth, any additional economic prosperity would not make people more satisfied. Do you agree or disagree?

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There has been long a widespread public debate surrounding the effect of extra-economic prosperity on more happiness of civilians. a number of family argue that in super-rich countries, any extra-economic richness would not enable their population to be more pleased.
However
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, I completely disagree with the idea for various reasons. Once a country has produced vast abundance. It can improve its health care system. Given the status quo, nations are able to feel more satisfied than previously. In fact, the governments that have earned extra money are capable of providing their residents with the newest treatments
due to
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 the fact they can spend a considerable amount of money purchasing high-end medical facilities and conducting an abundance of medical research
that is
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 extremely costly.
Besides
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, their health care system can be free of charge for all nations living in those countries.
Consequently
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, social members are far more likely to be happier by additional economic prosperity.
Moreover
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, educational and transportation systems have beneficial effects on citizen’s happiness.
In other words
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, more affluent societies gaining extra money are capable of boosting the quality of education beyond. They can allow,
for instance
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, their children to attend schools, universities, and scientific seminars compulsorily.
In addition
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 to that, increased riches in the state will create better roads and transport, which can save society time and prevent road fatalities. In that case, In UAE, the government heavily invests in the construction of an ultra-modern vehicle called Hyperloop to facilitate civilian commute.
To sum up
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, I would argue that in wealthy nations, any economic prosperity would contribute to more families
due to
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 the fact that the level of health, education, and transportation would be improved.

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Introduction
While your introduction sets the stage for the discussion, it could be more engaging and explicit in presenting the thesis statement. Ensure that your position is clearly stated at the beginning.
Body Paragraph
Develop your paragraphs more fully to support your main points. Aim for a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph, followed by comprehensive supporting details and examples.
Linking/Transition
To enhance your score in coherence and cohesion, work on ensuring that your ideas transition smoothly from one to the next. Use a range of linking devices to show the relationships between ideas.
Examples
The use of specific examples is a strong method of reinforcing your arguments, but be aware that your examples must be relevant and convincingly support your point. Also, they need to be developed further.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarises your point of view effectively, but you could improve by rephrasing your thesis and summarising the main arguments with more complexity and flair.
Task Response
To improve task achievement, ensure that you answer all parts of the question fully and that your ideas clearly relate to the prompt throughout the essay.
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