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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many parents today employ private tutors to reach their children after school hours. Do you think tthis is a positive or negative development?

It is often claimed that, historically,
children
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 enjoyed more free
time
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 outdoors with friends, getting lots of physical exercise,
whereas
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 nowadays more and more
children
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 are being forced to work with private teachers after school. There are definitely advantages to having a private
tutor
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, especially if the
child
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 has a weak area and is falling behind the class, but on the whole, I believe
this
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 to be a negative development because
tuition
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 is expensive and could be robbing
children
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 of
time
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 for other areas of development that are crucial to their
overall
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 growth. In a competitive world,
parents
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 understandably want to give their
children
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 the best chance in life from the beginning, and many believe getting a
tutor
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 can help students develop through their weaker areas.
For example
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, if a student struggles with maths at school, private
tuition
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 just once or twice a week at home can pull the student through sufficiently to pass the essential exams. It may
also
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 boost the
child
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’s confidence.
Hence
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, private
tuition
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 could be an important boost for a struggling
child
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. The above argument is a powerful one,
however
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, I would argue that there are more disadvantages than advantages of private
tuition
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.
Firstly
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, it costs a lot of money. To really benefit from private
tuition
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,
parents
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 need to choose a
tutor
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 who is trustworthy, well-qualified, and experienced.
This
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 costs a lot of money and can result in
parents
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 over-stretching themselves financially.
Furthermore
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, the
child
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 may struggle to make progress and become stressed and exhausted trying to please their
parents
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.
Hence
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, it might not be worth the money.
Secondly
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, and I think more importantly, it is crucial that
children
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 have enough
time
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 and space to develop in areas other than study.
In particular
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, they need
time
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 for lots of physical and creative activity, preferably outdoors and with friends. The more a
child
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outside
Add a missing verb
is outside
show examples
 school, the more they are being robbed of that valuable
time
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 away from study. In conclusion, it might be a good idea to get a private
tutor
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 once or twice a week if the
child
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 is really struggling to keep up with a subject.
However
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,
parents
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 should only consider
this
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 if they can comfortably afford it and more importantly, should make sure the
child
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 is not getting pressured over it and is getting enough
time
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 for physical exercise with friends.

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task achievement
You supported your view with clear reasons and examples, which is good. Try to offer more specific examples to strengthen your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are mostly clear and well-organized. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main point and ensure transitions between ideas are smooth.
coherence and cohesion
While you provided a conclusion, try to make it more impactful by summarizing the key points more effectively.
task achievement
You expressed a clear opinion about the topic and supported it with relevant arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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