IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that getting a degree from university is the best way to guarantee a good job. Others believe that it would be better to go straight into work and get experience in stead. Discuss this both views and give your opinion

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Some people hold the view that pursuing a
degree
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 from university secures a great
job
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 for aspirants
while
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 in others prespective it is better start working early and gain experience. In my opinion, I strongly beleive that getting a
degree
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 from university is more favourable option as compared to go straight into work.
This
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 essay will explain why studying for a
degree
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 will be beneficial for both professional and personal life. From my prespective it seems that attendening a course is better because it provides knowledge about many sectors of field.
While
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 attending a
degree
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 of three to four years , students are exposed to multiple challenges , tasks and have more opportunities to participates in extra-curicular activities like Debate clubs, Book Clubs , Football team.
This
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 would help aspirants to find their intrest and passion , which would eventually help them get a
job
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 of their intrest.
However
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, getting started with a
job
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 is not
such
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 a bad option for people who wants to start earning early in their lives. Eventually with time, they will gain experience and become more proficient. But
also
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, it could limit their range of opportunities and could affect their personal life. Working a 9-5
job
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 can be hectic and stressful. They may not always land a
job
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 of their choice or
according to
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 their passion. In summary,
while
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 both sides have merits, I remain convinced that pursuing a
degree
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 could be very helpful for landing a
job
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 which supports both your intrest and your financial status. Of course, working a
job
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 which you love is a key to healthy and productive life.

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coherence and cohesion
Your introduction could be improved by clearly stating both viewpoints before presenting your opinion. Consider restructuring it for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs have clear topic sentences and that each point relates directly back to the main argument for clarity.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or experiences to support your points, especially in the discussion of work experience.
task achievement
You clearly articulated your opinion in the introduction, which provides a strong foundation for your essay.
task achievement
You addressed both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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