IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Your manager has asked you to arrange a programme for the first day at work of a new employee. You can only be there for the morning Write a letter to your manager. In your letter - Explain why you can only be there for the morning. - ⁠say how you could help the new employee in the morning. - ⁠suggest what the new employee could do in the afternoon.

Hello Sir, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to inform you that, I need half day next week on 24th, April. As, I will have an
a ppointment
Correct your spelling
appointment
show examples
 at 2pm with the bank manager regarding my personal savings account. Roads are congested during noon time and I will have to leave at 12pm and only available in the morning. As
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 I vividly remember you assigned me a responsibility
last
Linking Words
 week to arrange a programme for a new candidate in the sales department on that day. I will help him in the morning and introduce him to all the strategies that we use in sales,
such
Linking Words
 as customer database and coding, in order to get responses from customers.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I will
also
Linking Words
 assist him with social media accounts so that he will get access to marketing techniques. The new employee will take new photos of the products that we launched
last
Linking Words
 week as we need more polished photos and he will edit those photos, and post them on social media sites to get more responses from clients. I will train him properly in the morning about all the responsibilities and tasks that will have to be completed. I hope you will understand my situation and approve my half-day leave. I apologise for
this
Linking Words
 inconvenience and thank you for your consideration. Yours faithfully, Gagan

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task achievement
Make sure to use correct punctuation and spelling in your letter. For example, 'as' should be 'as I have an appointment'.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer connections between ideas, like using 'first', 'second', etc., to organize your points.
coherence and cohesion
Make your paragraphs focused, with only one main idea each. This will help your reader understand better.
task achievement
Your letter is polite and addresses the manager directly, which is good.
task achievement
You explained why you can only be there in the morning clearly.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prior commitment
  • scheduled meeting
  • personal obligation
  • unavailable
  • initial tasks
  • key team members
  • office tour
  • mandatory online training
  • company materials
  • shadowing
  • daily work processes
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