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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, most people contend that taking a gap year to work or travel before pursuing education is more preferable. What are the disadvantages of this trend? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #gap #year #work #travel #education #trend
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In various nations around the world, many people advocate taking a gap year in order to
work
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 or travel before beginning one’s tertiary education.
While
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 there is clearly a drawback to
this
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, I personally believe that the benefits are more significant. The disadvantage of going on a gap year is that
students
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 may end up not returning to their studies. The reason for
this
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 is that they may enjoy earning money and becoming financially independent.
Therefore
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, their whole future could be negatively affected as these days it is very important for everyone to graduate with a degree in order to be competitive in the job market.
On the other hand
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, one of the major advantages is that
students
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 will be able to expand their horizons if they travel overseas. When
students
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 go abroad, they will be exposed to different cultures and customs.
For example
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, westerners visiting a country like Thailand will be able to experience traditional Thai dance like Khon and traditional Thai
sport
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sports
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 like Muay Thai.
As a result
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, they will gain a deeper understanding of the different places in the world.
In addition
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 to that,
students
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 who
work
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 will be able to learn to appreciate the value of money.
This
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 is because they will realize the hard
work
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 involved in earning an income.
Consequently
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, they would think more before purchasing anything they desire and may become less impulsive in their spending. In conclusion, the advantages are of greater significance than the
disadvantage
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disadvantages
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. Despite the fact that
students
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 may not continue
on
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apply
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studying at university, they will gain a lot of experience when they travel or learn to better appreciate money when they
work
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. Given
this
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 situation, it is recommended that schools should encourage more
students
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 to consider taking a gap year.
Submitted by zahraauliani32 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure, with clear paragraphs delineating the introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the introduction and conclusion could be strengthened by providing a clearer thesis statement and a more summarised restatement of the key points, respectively.
coherence cohesion
While the main points are supported, the essay would benefit from a more diverse range of cohesive devices and better paragraphing to improve the overall flow of ideas. Additionally, the conclusion should encapsulate the main argument more effectively.
task achievement
The response directly addresses the task, providing insight into both the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year. To elevate the essay, include more comprehensive development of ideas with detailed examples, particularly related to the disadvantages, which are less developed than the advantages.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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