IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You bought a game DVD and it is defective. Write a letter to the store for returning this DVD. In your letter • introduce yourself • describe what went wrong • say what you want from the store manager

#game #dvd #store #manager
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Dear Sir / Madam, I am writing
this
 letter to express my dissatisfaction with a recent purchase of a DVD from your store. My name is Neha Singh, and I live at Queenston Drive, Mississauga.
Last
 Friday, my friends and I decided to play a Super Mario game so we thought of buying a DVD from your shop. We bought the CD with reference number 123456. The CD worked fine for the first hour, but after that, the game got stuck as there were some glitches starting to come up.
Along with
 that, we
also
 noticed a few scratches over the CD making us believe that it is a used one. We tried a few times by re-inserting the DVD, but it did not help. I would request you to kindly send someone from your store to have a look and fix the issue or else give us a new one. Yours faithfully, Neha
Submitted by sandeepniet17 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

greeting and closing
The greeting and closing were appropriate, but a more personalized closing (e.g., 'Yours sincerely') would be slightly better as you know the recipient's role (Store Manager).
complete response
The letter provided a complete response to the prompt by introducing yourself, describing the problem in detail, and stating what you want from the store manager.
suitable writing tone
The writing tone was suitable for a formal complaint letter – polite but firm.
logical structure
The letter had a logical structure, making it easy to follow. Each point was addressed clearly in separate paragraphs.
single idea per paragraph
Each paragraph focused on a single idea, aiding in clarity and coherence.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: