IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people think that during the school day, children should be restricted from using their
phones
Use synonyms
 and some others believe
otherwise
Linking Words
.
However
Linking Words
, I side with those who believe that the
phone
Use synonyms
 restriction should be implemented for the following reasons. On the one hand,
phones
Use synonyms
 could provide some assistance for
students
Use synonyms
 when learning.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it could increase their knowledge.
For instance
Linking Words
, when they are curious about something, they can easily find information through the Internet. With massive technological developments,
phones
Use synonyms
 can assist their needs.
Therefore
Linking Words
, using
phones
Use synonyms
 during the school day could potentially boost their performance.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 are being encouraged to become more independent beings since they are provided with the Internet and they can find learning materials by themselves.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the ban on
phones
Use synonyms
 could be beneficial for children.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it can help to increase their focus on their studies since the existence of
phones
Use synonyms
 potentially becomes a distraction for them. We all know that, nowadays,
phones
Use synonyms
 have become a stuff with many features to entertain their users.
For instance
Linking Words
, social media, games, and other things can be found on a
phone
Use synonyms
. With those facilities, children may be stuck on their gadgets rather than concentrating on the classes.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 limitation could increase
students
Use synonyms
' productivity. Accessing their mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 could make them lazy and focus on their own world. By restricting their access during the school day, they are encouraged to have real interactions with their classmates.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they can spend their time wisely doing more meaningful activities rather than playing with their gadgets. In conclusion, a
phone
Use synonyms
 ban could boost
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
' performance and independence, yet it can be a distraction to their studies and their social interaction.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I hereby remain convinced that the limitation of
phone
Use synonyms
 usage is beneficial for
students
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that the essay directly addresses all parts of the task. Consider the implications of each view and consistently reflect on them throughout the essay.
task achievement
Develop main points further with more detailed and specific examples to illustrate your arguments. Refer to real-life scenarios, research findings, or hypothetical situations to strengthen the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical progression of ideas, ensuring that each paragraph seamlessly connects to the next. Use a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of the essay.
task achievement
When introducing different views, balance the coverage of each perspective before concluding with your viewpoint. Offer a nuanced synthesis, rather than a binary opposition, to demonstrate critical thinking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Concentration
  • Emergency communication
  • Digital literacy
  • Educational resources
  • Social development
  • Self-regulation
  • Enforcement
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Technology access
  • Learning apps
  • Screen time
  • Peer interaction
  • School policy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: