Compared to our parent’s generation, life has become much more stressful. As a result, stress-related illnesses are on the increase around the world. Why is stress such a problem in the modern world and what do you think can be done to overcome the problems caused by stress?

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Nowadays, mental illness is a
high
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higher
show examples
trend for younger generations than people in the past. Older generations had so much peace and harmony in societies even with no mobile
phone
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phones
show examples
and internet.
This
essay will discuss the reason why
stress
is so widespread at
present
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the present
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time and
also
will suggest solutions to these problems including
manage
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managing
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time for work-life balance and
mindfullness
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mindfulness
. As far as I
concerned
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am concerned
show examples
, stressful life can be concerned by various factors including economic and socialities. High housing prices,
unemployment
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the unemployment
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rate increased and
advancing
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advances
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of
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in
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technology do impact
of
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apply
show examples
mental issues. Easily to know each other
from
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through
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social media is the result of technology
progresively
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progressively
. It is
build
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built
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of
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on
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society's lifestyle
standard
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standards
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that create
materialistic
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a materialistic
the materialistic
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environment.
For instance
, pupils who watch
celebrity
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celebrities
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persitently
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persistently
will bring their desire to
connected
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connect
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withing celebrity's lifestyle.
Consequently
, these problems
influencing
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influence
show examples
health
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the health
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of mental
such
us
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as
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stress
,
depresion
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depression
and
hopeless
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hopelessness
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. They bring a lot of
societies
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societal
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pressure to gain luxury life.
On the other hand
, there are many solutions to overcome the problems caused by
stress
.
Create
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Creating
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work-life
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a work-life
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balance is one of
good
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the good
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ways
by
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to
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give proper time for
rests
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rest
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,
works
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work
show examples
, and
exercises
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exercise
show examples
.
Additionally
,
mindullness
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mindfulness
is
also
important to manage and reduce the negative minds. There are several
ways
to release their
stress
some cry, some laugh, some overdrink themselves, some dance widely, and so on and so forth, to name just a few.
Furthermore
, people can
decided
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decide
show examples
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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the best
ways
for them to gain
their
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a
show examples
peaceful
of
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apply
show examples
life. In
conclusions
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conclusion
show examples
,
stress
-related illness is becoming a trend at present times. The reasons mostly come from society's pressure.
However
, you can
controlling
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control
be controlling
show examples
yourself
through create
Change preposition
by creating
show examples
work-life
Correct article usage
a work-life
show examples
balance and
found your
Wrong verb form
finding
show examples
ways
to release
stress
.
Stress
is a bad thing, but sometimes a proper amount of
stress
will make you work much better.
Submitted by oktiviay17 on

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structure
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development
Develop your ideas more thoroughly by expanding your explanation and adding more specific examples. Although you have provided some discussion and examples, they could be developed further to enhance the essay and deliver a more persuasive argument.
coherence
Work on your logical sequencing of ideas to enhance the flow of your essay. While there is an attempt to link ideas, they sometimes appear disjointed. Using a range of cohesive devices accurately and appropriately will improve your score.
task response
For task achievement, it is important to address all parts of the task in sufficient detail. Make sure your essay fully responds to the question by covering all its aspects and providing a balanced discussion.
examples
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your ideas. Doing so will strengthen your argument and help the reader understand your points more clearly. Strive for detailed illustrations rather than general statements.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Heightened stress level
  • Multitasking
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Exacerbate
  • Comparison culture
  • Economic pressures
  • Job security fears
  • Noise pollution
  • Urbanization
  • Work-life balance
  • Mindfulness
  • Meditation
  • Employee well-being
  • Stress management
  • Psychological well-being
  • Counseling services
  • Therapy
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