Compared to our parent’s generation, life has become much more stressful. As a result, stress-related illnesses are on the increase around the world. Why is stress such a problem in the modern world and what do you think can be done to overcome the problems caused by stress?

Nowadays, mental illness is a
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
trend for younger generations than people in the past. Older generations had so much peace and harmony in societies even with no mobile
phone
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phones
show examples
and internet.
This
essay will discuss the reason why
stress
is so widespread at
present
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the present
show examples
time and
also
will suggest solutions to these problems including
manage
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managing
show examples
time for work-life balance and
mindfullness
Correct your spelling
mindfulness
. As far as I
concerned
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am concerned
show examples
, stressful life can be concerned by various factors including economic and socialities. High housing prices,
unemployment
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the unemployment
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rate increased and
advancing
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advances
show examples
of
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in
show examples
technology do impact
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mental issues. Easily to know each other
from
Change preposition
through
show examples
social media is the result of technology
progresively
Correct your spelling
progressively
. It is
build
Wrong verb form
built
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
society's lifestyle
standard
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standards
show examples
that create
materialistic
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a materialistic
the materialistic
show examples
environment.
For instance
, pupils who watch
celebrity
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celebrities
show examples
persitently
Correct your spelling
persistently
will bring their desire to
connected
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connect
show examples
withing celebrity's lifestyle.
Consequently
, these problems
influencing
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influence
show examples
health
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the health
show examples
of mental
such
us
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
stress
,
depresion
Correct your spelling
depression
and
hopeless
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hopelessness
show examples
. They bring a lot of
societies
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societal
show examples
pressure to gain luxury life.
On the other hand
, there are many solutions to overcome the problems caused by
stress
.
Create
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Creating
show examples
work-life
Correct article usage
a work-life
show examples
balance is one of
good
Add an article
the good
show examples
ways
by
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to
show examples
give proper time for
rests
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rest
show examples
,
works
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work
show examples
, and
exercises
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exercise
show examples
.
Additionally
,
mindullness
Correct your spelling
mindfulness
is
also
important to manage and reduce the negative minds. There are several
ways
to release their
stress
some cry, some laugh, some overdrink themselves, some dance widely, and so on and so forth, to name just a few.
Furthermore
, people can
decided
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decide
show examples
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the best
ways
for them to gain
their
Change the word
a
show examples
peaceful
of
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apply
show examples
life. In
conclusions
Fix the agreement mistake
conclusion
show examples
,
stress
-related illness is becoming a trend at present times. The reasons mostly come from society's pressure.
However
, you can
controlling
Change the verb form
control
be controlling
show examples
yourself
through create
Change preposition
by creating
show examples
work-life
Correct article usage
a work-life
show examples
balance and
found your
Wrong verb form
finding
show examples
ways
to release
stress
.
Stress
is a bad thing, but sometimes a proper amount of
stress
will make you work much better.
Submitted by oktiviay17 on

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structure
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development
Develop your ideas more thoroughly by expanding your explanation and adding more specific examples. Although you have provided some discussion and examples, they could be developed further to enhance the essay and deliver a more persuasive argument.
coherence
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task response
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examples
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your ideas. Doing so will strengthen your argument and help the reader understand your points more clearly. Strive for detailed illustrations rather than general statements.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

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Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Heightened stress level
  • Multitasking
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Exacerbate
  • Comparison culture
  • Economic pressures
  • Job security fears
  • Noise pollution
  • Urbanization
  • Work-life balance
  • Mindfulness
  • Meditation
  • Employee well-being
  • Stress management
  • Psychological well-being
  • Counseling services
  • Therapy
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