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Band 6

Today many young people and teenagers go to jail because of committing crime especially violence. What are the causes of this? Can you offer any solutions?

#people #teenagers #jail #crime #violence #offer
The increasing rate of crime among adolescents has provoked alarm among authorities,
parents
 and teachers. Diverse contributory factors can be held accountable for
this
 critical issue, among which
media
 and
parents
 play a crucial role, and the problem will not be addressed unless the appropriate remedies are obtained and prompt actions are taken
accordingly
. Regarding the causes of juvenile delinquency,
parents
, schools and
media
 are the prominent factors. In the case of
media
, teenagers are widely exposed to brutal violence on TV and in movies, in which aggression is valued as they showcase one’s courage and maturity,
consequently
 encouraging children to display
such
 undesirable behaviour at home or school. On the other side, schools should assume responsibility as they are not aware of the fast-paced changes in technology that eventually exert far-reaching effects on schoolchildren.
Finally
, another primary cause lies in the family, the most important social institution, whose job is to raise and discipline their children in a way
that is
 consistent with social norms and laws.
This
 can be
due to
 the fact that
parents
 have to work hardly hard and they miss the opportunity to exercise control
on
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the teenagers’ moral behaviour. Having examined the underlying causes, it is time to turn to the plausible solutions. When it comes to social
media
, it seems challenging to bring them under control, at least in the foreseeable future.
Parents
 and teachers,
therefore
, should adopt a profound role to tighten the supervision
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the content their children read, watch, and play.
Additionally
, they may be able to alleviate the situation by redefining values
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and creating a culture in which violence is frowned upon.
To sum up
, the remedies of the issue are rooted in obtaining insight and taking steps
meanwhile
Rephrase
otherwise
show examples
,
otherwise
 the growing tendency among juveniles to commit a crime will not be tackled adequately.
Submitted by Haniehfathi98 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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