In some countries the average of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the cause of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
It is argued that physical instability and health issues are affected badly by the increase in the number of individuals.
This
essay will discuss how the unbalanced division of funds and the sedentary nature are the main causes of this
problem, and the most viable solutions would be to provide maximum resources and create awareness among the young generation.
To commence with, the state is assisting many public services departments for the sake of their better lifestyle, but such
distributions are not divided according to
their need like a huge amount of money spent on roads' decoration yearly as well as
,in education sectors, several societies receive the cash from ministry for conducting social events by neglecting the basic requirements.For example
, leading research in America has shown that, in August 2024, 2300 kids died in Service Hospital due to
the unavailability of an oxygen facility .Moreover
, younger prefer to perform work from home rather than travel hard also
children consider the online mode of the class better than physical presence, which affects their body shape detrimentally.
Thus
, one way to tackle these issues is that the executive should concentrate on the primary obligation by introducing a financial support scheme in the healthcare sector,as it is a fundamental want to live, which results in a wealthy society.Furthermore
, it is compulsory to encourage workers to take part in sports and other curriculum activities and make a habit of morning walks, as a consequence
it would decrease obesity and diabetes.
In conclusion, favouritism in wealth diffusion and sluggish habits of the folk would affect personal fitness. However
, authorities should take steps for the development of human welfare by granting them excess facilities and sessions should be conducted to encourage youth in their workplace to settle their routine.Submitted by iqrariaz54 on
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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs by using clear transition phrases. This will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a proper introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The main points are supported with relevant examples, such as the reference to research in America showing the impact of financial misallocation on health.
task achievement
The essay addresses both causes and solutions for the problem, demonstrating a comprehensive response to the task.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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