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Band 6

The rise of social media has affected personal relatioships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages ?

#rise #media #relatioships #society #communication
Social
media
 has played a vital role in our daily lives. Social
media
 can help
people
 stay in touch with their
friends
, relatives and global movements or strike new friendships but it can cause alter effects when being used incorrectly.
This
 essay will discuss the pros and cons of using social
media
. The most advantageous factor is that social network helps
people
 keep in touch with what is happening in their city, their country and in the world.
Furthermore
, there is no limit in categories so
people
 can update any kind of information they want.
For example
, a person who loves shopping can use social
media
 to find out about the products from brands and companies that they
interested
Add a missing verb
are interested
show examples
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
 Another point to be considered is that social networks help
people
 reconnect with their old
friends
as well as
 make new
friends
. By sharing experiences and personal opinions,
people
 can gain attention from both
friends
 and strangers.
As a result
, a conversation is triggered and
people
 will meet individuals who share the same hobbies or ideals and create a community.
However
, social networks might make
people
 become more self-centred and less sympathetic towards others. With social
media
, individuals can create many accounts so they are likely to ignore the consequences of their words on other
people
 because all they have to do is pick a new account and start over.
This
 issue can be addressed by more severe punishments and more professional methods to detect those cybercriminals. In conclusion, everything in
this
 world, both natural and artificial, can contain good sides and bad sides of it.
This
 writer believes that using social
media
 for communication will have more benefits than drawbacks, the above essay has enough pieces of evidence to prove the writer's point of view.

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task achievement
The essay generally addresses the task, but it should have a clearer position throughout, rather than only in the conclusion. It is important in IELTS writing to establish your view clearly in the introduction and maintain this position consistently.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure requires improvement. Aim to organize paragraphs with clear main ideas, and use cohesive devices effectively to link these ideas both within and between paragraphs.
task achievement
Develop the main points further by using more specific and detailed examples; these will strengthen your argument and demonstrate the ability to discuss ideas at a deeper level.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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