Some people think that parents should teach their children to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction

Some believe that proper

behaviour

Use synonyms

should be taught at

home

Use synonyms

while

Linking Words

others believe it should be taught in

schools

Use synonyms

. It is my contention that parents are responsible for educating their children on how to become good members of society.

However

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

essay will discuss the influence improper behaved

learners

Use synonyms

have on

schools

Use synonyms

, even though

schools

Use synonyms

should

also

Linking Words

encourage good manners.

Body paragraph 1

One paramount concern for teachers is the lack of good

behaviour

Use synonyms

among

learners

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, High

School

Use synonyms

Settlers recently reported that 25% of their

school

Use synonyms

learners

Use synonyms

are involved in

gang related

Add a hyphen

gang-related

show examples

crime, which resulted in the stabbing of an innocent learner. Given

this

Linking Words

, many

schools

Use synonyms

are struggling to control proper discipline in classrooms because of a few

bad behaved

Add a hyphen

bad-behaved

show examples

learners

Use synonyms

Thus

Linking Words

, I believe that adequate manners should be taught at

home

Use synonyms

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

so that it does not affect other

learners

Use synonyms

school

Use synonyms

Body paragraph 2

Despite

this

Linking Words

schools

Use synonyms

have the responsibility to rehabilitate troubled students.

For instance

Linking Words

, The Department of Education introduced a new regime where

schools

Use synonyms

should accommodate

learners

Use synonyms

based on all their needs, and place them in a rehabilitating program if necessary.

Hence

Linking Words

schools

Use synonyms

have a moral obligation to transform

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

learner

Fix the agreement mistake

learners

show examples

for the better of society.

However

Linking Words

, even though it is compulsory for

schools

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to always improve a learner’s

behaviour

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, parents ought to instil

this

Linking Words

home

Use synonyms

Conclusion

In conclusion, there has been much debate on whether parents or

schools

Use synonyms

are responsible for the

behaviour

Use synonyms

of a child. In my opinion, the fundamental roots of good manners should be encouraged at

home

Use synonyms

, where a student can rather inspire proper

behaviour

Use synonyms

school

Use synonyms

Schools

Use synonyms

cannot be held responsible if bad

behaviour

Use synonyms

is tolerated at

home

Use synonyms

jessicajreichel

Apr 6, 2024

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General

Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task, presenting a clear discussion of both views and your own opinion. To further enhance your essay, ensure that each paragraph presents a coherent argument that progresses logically from your introduction to your conclusion. This will strengthen your position and make your reasoning even more persuasive.

Coherence and Cohesion

You've done well to structure your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will make your essay flow more smoothly and help the reader understand the relationship between your points.

Task Achievement

While your essay provides relevant examples to support your arguments, try to integrate these examples more seamlessly into your discussion. This involves not just stating the example but also explaining its relevance and what it demonstrates in the context of your argument. Doing so will enhance the depth and clarity of your task achievement.

Task Response

You have effectively discussed both views and provided a clear personal stance, which is essential for a good response to the task.

Introduction/Conclusion

Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, effectively setting up the discussion and bringing it to a concise conclusion. This is a strength in your essay.

Use of Examples

The use of a specific example, such as the situation at High School Settlers, enriches your essay by providing concrete evidence to back up your arguments.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

272 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

good members of society
teach
parents
schools
responsibility
values
respect
empathy
responsibility
formal education
citizenship
ethics
social responsibility
lead by example
role models
conducive environment
extracurricular activities
community involvement
collaborate
holistic approach

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Some people think that parents should teach their children to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Your landlord is asking to increase the rent. Write a letter to him. In your letter, you should tell: why you think the rent shouldn’t be increased what you will do if it is increased.

Your friend from overseas is coming to visit you next month. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter, •tell them what they need to bring •tell them what they will be doing during the time they are visiting •warn them about some things that might be challenging

Some people claim that museums and art galleries are not needed today because everyone can see historical objects or art works by computer. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays pupils can attend classes online through internet, because large number of universities provide their programs online. This trend has both pros and cons which will discuss in upcoming passage.

Some people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences between the richest and the poorest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree?