Some people think that parents should teach their children to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some believe that proper
behaviour
should be taught at home
, while
others believe it should be taught in schools
. It is my contention that parents are responsible for educating their children on how to become good members of society. However
, this
essay will discuss the influence improper behaved learners
have on schools
, even though schools
should also
encourage good manners.
One paramount concern for teachers is the lack of good behaviour
among learners
. For example
, High School
Settlers recently reported that 25% of their school
learners
are involved in gang related
crime, which resulted in the stabbing of an innocent learner. Given Add a hyphen
gang-related
this
, many schools
are struggling to control proper discipline in classrooms because of a few bad behaved
Add a hyphen
bad-behaved
learners
. Thus
, I believe that adequate manners should be taught at home
,
so that it does not affect other Remove the comma
apply
learners
at school
.
Despite this
, schools
have the responsibility to rehabilitate troubled students. For instance
, The Department of Education introduced a new regime where schools
should accommodate learners
based on all their needs, and place them in a rehabilitating program if necessary. Hence
, schools
have a moral obligation to transform a
Correct article usage
apply
learner
for the better of society. Fix the agreement mistake
learners
However
, even though it is compulsory for schools
to always improve a learner’s behaviour
, parents ought to instil this
at home
.
In conclusion, there has been much debate on whether parents or schools
are responsible for the behaviour
of a child. In my opinion, the fundamental roots of good manners should be encouraged at home
, where a student can rather inspire proper behaviour
at school
. Schools
cannot be held responsible if bad behaviour
is tolerated at home
.Submitted by jessicajreichel on
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General
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task, presenting a clear discussion of both views and your own opinion. To further enhance your essay, ensure that each paragraph presents a coherent argument that progresses logically from your introduction to your conclusion. This will strengthen your position and make your reasoning even more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've done well to structure your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will make your essay flow more smoothly and help the reader understand the relationship between your points.
Task Achievement
While your essay provides relevant examples to support your arguments, try to integrate these examples more seamlessly into your discussion. This involves not just stating the example but also explaining its relevance and what it demonstrates in the context of your argument. Doing so will enhance the depth and clarity of your task achievement.
Task Response
You have effectively discussed both views and provided a clear personal stance, which is essential for a good response to the task.
Introduction/Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, effectively setting up the discussion and bringing it to a concise conclusion. This is a strength in your essay.
Use of Examples
The use of a specific example, such as the situation at High School Settlers, enriches your essay by providing concrete evidence to back up your arguments.