IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole.Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages?

#rise #media #relationships #society #communication
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THE DEVELOPMENT OF
TECHNOLOGY
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 HAS A BIG IMPACT ON RELATIONSHIPS AND
LIFE
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 BETWEEN
PEOPLE
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 TO
OTHERS
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.THE AUTHOR SEE THAT IT HAS A LOT OF BENEFITS LIKE EASY TO CONTACT AND EASY TO ADD
FRIENDS
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WHILE
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 THE DRAWBACK IS MAKES
PEOPLE
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 GET AWAY FROM SOCIETY.THE WRITER WILL MAKE IT CLEAR IN THE NEXT PASSAGE.
FIRSTLY
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,THE BENEFIT OF SOCIAL
MEDIA
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IS
Unnecessary verb
apply
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MAKES
community
Correct article usage
the community
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 EASY TO
unity
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unite
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OTHERS
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.
IN OTHER WORDS
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,EVERYONE CAN TEXT AND RECEIVE MORE FASTLY.
FOR EXAMPLE
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,IF YOU HAVE AN IMPORTANT THING TO SHARE WITH YOUR FRIEND,YOU CAN service machinery TO SEND TEXT MESSAGES AND SEE THE FEEDBACK MORE FASTLY.
THUS
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,SOCIAL
MEDIA
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 MAKE THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN
OTHERS
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 CONNECTED.
SECONDLY
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,NETWORKING HELP YOU KEEP IN TOUCH WITH YOUR OLD
FRIENDS
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.IT CAN BE EXPLAINED THAT YOU HAVE
FRIENDS
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 FROM PRIMARY SCHOOL,
SECONDARY
Correct word choice
AND SECONDARY
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 SCHOOL AND YOU WANT TO CONTACT WITH THEM FOREVER,YOU JUST CAN USE
TECHNOLOGY
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.
FOR INSTANCE
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,I
ADD
Wrong verb form
ADDED
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 THEIR ACCOUNT WAS 5 YEARS AGO AND I STILL KEEP IN TOUCH WITH THEM,JUST BY THE INTERNET.
HENCE
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,
TECHNOLOGY
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 MAKE US KEEP IN TOUCH AND KEEP THE MEMORY TOGETHER.
HOWEVER
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,SOCIAL
MEDIA
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 CAUSES THE POPULATION TO GET AWAY FROM SOCIETY,AND JUST FOCUS ON THEIR SMARTPHONE.CITIZENS ALWAYS USE SMARTPHONES FOR THEIR ENTERTAINMENT ,
ALSO
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 THEY USE AI
INSTEAD
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 OF HUMANS.TAKE MY FRIEND
FOR INSTANCE
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,SHE USES ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE TO TEXT MESSAGES AND COMMUNICATES LIKE A REAL PERSON.
THIS
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 MAY BE TRUE,BUT SOCIAL
MEDIA
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 HELP
PEOPLE
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 A LOT IN THEIR
LIFE
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 AND IN THEIR COMMUNICATION.
CONSEQUENTLY
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,
TECHNOLOGY
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 MAKE OUR
LIFE
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 MORE AND MORE EASIER.
TO SUM UP
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,THE INTERNET HELPS
PEOPLE
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 GET AWAY FROM SOCIETY OUTWEIGH
TECHNOLOGY
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 HELPS
PEOPLE
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EASY TO
Replace the word
EASILY
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 CONTACT AND EASY TO ADD
FRIENDS
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.WE
CAN
Rephrase
CANNOT
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 DENY THAT
TECHNOLOGY
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 IS A PART OF THE
LIFE
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 OF EVERYONE AND IT MAKE RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN
OTHERS
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MORE
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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BETTER
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks clear structure, with no discernible paragraphs or logical progression of ideas. To improve, structure your essay with an introduction, at least two supporting paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion need clear and direct statements related to the essay question. Your introduction is vague and the conclusion does not succinctly summarise your points or answer the question directly.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are present but not well-developed or supported. Expand on your ideas and provide more clear and detailed explanations or examples to support your points.
task achievement
Your response sometimes addresses the task but often remains superficial and undeveloped. Respond directly to all parts of the question and offer a balanced view on the advantages and disadvantages with stronger arguments and clearly separated paragraphs.
task achievement
Your ideas would benefit from being explored more comprehensively with clearer and more precise language. Avoid using words or phrases that are off-topic and focus on directly answering the question.
task achievement
Specific examples are needed to illustrate your points more clearly. Ensure that examples are directly relevant to the topic and provide evidence or anecdotes to back up your claims.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global connectivity
  • networking opportunities
  • real-time information
  • community building
  • marketing opportunities
  • self-expression
  • educational content
  • privacy concerns
  • data security
  • misinformation
  • fake news
  • cyberbullying
  • interpersonal skills
  • distraction
  • productivity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: