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Band 6

Write about the following topic: “Do you think extra-curricular activities are important in a student’s life?” Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #“do #activities #student’s #life
There is
such
 a spectrum of extra-curricular activities available nowadays, ranging from gardening to reading and playing sports. When discussing the importance of these, it is vital to note that not every student will shine in the classroom, and some may stumble across something they are passionate about or somewhere they really excel
in
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- outside of the classroom. Whilst academia is of the
upmost
Correct your spelling
utmost
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 importance, extra-curricular activities play an essential role in aiding the development of a wide array of
skills
 outside of the classroom,
thus
 making sure that students are well-rounded. During year 7, I took
up
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debate classes after
school
 which broadened my knowledge on a variety of topics,
such
 as the death penalty, and compelled me to conduct my own research and form my own opinions on topics that would
otherwise
 not be covered by the national curriculum. My critical thinking
skills
 were enhanced when having to filter through the numerous sources on the internet, and I learnt how to look at the other side of an argument, even though it may not necessarily be in line with my personal thoughts and beliefs.
As well as
 that, I took up badminton weekly after
school
, which not only improved my
team-working
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teamwork
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skills
,
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 but actually increased my fitness and encouraged me to always take part in some sort of sporting activity throughout my adult life. It was the start of my fitness journey, and to
this
 day, I still love playing badminton! Some may argue that
such
 activities may distract students from the real aim of
school
 - studying hard to pass exams. Time spent at
after
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after-school
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school
 clubs may
take-away
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take away
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 from homework time, resulting in the student falling behind during
school
 hours, and becoming unmotivated.
This
 inevitably will have a knock-on effect on other subjects. Certain schools charge a fee for classes taken after
school
 and those whose parents are unable to afford the extra fees might find themselves feeling
left-out
Correct your spelling
left out
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 and divided from the others, so it would be better to abandon these classes altogether. In conclusion,
skills
 developed outside of the
classrom
Correct your spelling
classroom
 can be carried through life, and come of use at a far greater rate than in-classroom topics,
such
 as physics, perhaps.
Therefore
, it can be a wonderful idea.
However
, it is important to keep on top of your studies first and not allow yourself to be sidetracked by things occurring outside of
the
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school
 hours.
Submitted by shakilam on

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task achievement
Your essay could benefit from slightly stronger supporting arguments to bolster your main points. Try to go a bit deeper in your exploration and explanation.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of small grammatical errors and logical consistencies; while they don't majorly detract from your argument, they do slightly impact the overall flow and clarity of the essay.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, which align well with the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an effective structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, making the flow easy to follow.
task achievement
The use of relevant and specific personal examples strengthens your arguments and adds a personal touch.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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