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Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink contains high levels of sugar, Which cause many health problems. Sugary should be made more expensive to encourage to people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #levels #sugar #health #people
The number of
people
 who consume high
sugar
 levels is increasing nowadays, which leads to significant health consequences. I believe that making sugary manufactured food and drink more expensive can help
people
 to lessen their
sugar
 intake because they will opt for cheaper options and they will not be able to consume it regularly. First of all, by making sugary products more exclusive
then
individuals
 will rethink their decisions before purchasing.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that many
people
 have limited budgets so they will search for other inexpensive diets.
For instance
,
people
 will be encouraged to buy less
sugar
 teas because they are cheaper compared to the normal ones, even though they are from the same brand.
Therefore
, they will reduce sweet consumption over time.
Additionally
,
individuals
 might opt for homemade snacks or fresh fruits as alternatives to expensive sugary treats.
Secondly
, as the price for sweet food and beverages goes higher,
people
 will not be able to buy them every day.
This
 happens because most
people
 prefer to buy other essential things with their money rather than just one sweet delicacy.
For example
, if gas and sugary have the same prices,
people
 are most likely to choose the former over the latter.
This
 happens because they think that there are other things that are worth their money.
Consequently
,
individuals
 will only buy sugars occasionally when they have more cash to spend. In conclusion, I agree that excessive
sugar
 consumption can be tackled by selling them at higher prices.
Due to
 their affordability,
individuals
 will be compelled to choose less sugary alternatives and they will not be able to consume high sugars daily as they choose to buy more important necessities.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting details are directly relevant to the main topic. Avoid introducing new ideas without proper explanation or connection to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use a range of cohesive devices that are appropriate and accurate, and avoid over-reliance on any single type of linking word or phrase.
task achievement
It's important to fully address the prompt. Your essay should not only state whether you agree or disagree but also have a clear argument that encompasses all aspects of the question. Provide a more detailed and nuanced explanation of how and why you hold your view.
task achievement
Develop your ideas fully by giving specific examples and elaborating on them. Make sure all examples are entirely relevant, supportive of your argument, and help to illustrate your points more clearly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufactured food and drinks
  • high levels of sugar
  • health problems
  • consume less sugar
  • sugary products
  • more expensive
  • motivate
  • reduced sugar consumption
  • additional revenue
  • healthcare programs
  • low-income individuals
  • cheaper sugary products
  • education and awareness
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • promoting healthier choices
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