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Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives. What are the reasons for this ? How can this problem be overcome?

#people #balance #work #parts #lives
In
this
 fast-paced world, work has become a priority over other
aspects
 of
life
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 an enormous amount of people.
As a consequence
, maintaining
work-
Correct article usage
a work-life
show examples
life
 balance has become a relatively tough factor. There are several reasons associated with
this
 new norm and, in my opinion, prioritizing personal
life
 and its significant
aspects
 will aid
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a comprehensive solution. All the big business firms have normalised working
over-time
Correct your spelling
overtime
show examples
 and bonus pay,
hence
, people are rushing towards working more rather than paying attention to their personal necessities. Monetary
aspects
 play a huge role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
such
type
Correct article usage
a type
show examples
 of movement. These types of people regard
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
earning more money means living
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 and quality
life
.
Hence
, to achieve
such
notion
Correct article usage
a notion
show examples
 they forget to pay heed to their own valuable
aspects
 of
lives
Correct pronoun usage
their lives
show examples
.
For instance
,
12 hour
Add a hyphen
12-hour
show examples
/day working
shift
Fix the agreement mistake
shifts
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 become common among workers and, to gain more perks , they are going far beyond working 13-
14 hour
Add a hyphen
14-hour
show examples
/day
shift
Fix the agreement mistake
shifts
show examples
 which in turn
influencing
Change the form of the verb
influences
show examples
 not only bad habits but
also
deteriorating
Wrong verb form
deteriorates
show examples
 their health qualities. A significant step towards mitigating
this
 norm is to
prioritising
Wrong verb form
prioritise
show examples
 boundaries between personal and professional
life
 necessities. Realizing self-worth and
self-nessecities
Correct your spelling
self-necessities
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
utmost
Change preposition
of utmost
show examples
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
 and
also
 by understanding the
limit
Replace the word
limited
show examples
 perspective of anything in
life
. The notion "more will always be more" holds true ,
however
, "less is more" is very much effective healthwise.
Thence
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
, providing more significant attention towards health will not subtract any
aspects
 of
life
 rather than aid
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 gaining more years of joy. In conclusion, understanding the
limit
Fix the agreement mistake
limits
show examples
 of work and
life
aspects
 will enhance management qualities between these two
among
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals, fostering a more comprehensive solution. As a suggestion, the government must spread awareness among workers and create more quality policies for workers to enrich their work-
life
 balance, ensuring a vibrant work culture in the region.
Submitted by nehakarmakar45 on

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TA
Task Achievement: The essay addresses the topic but could provide a deeper analysis and more specific solutions to the problems discussed. It is essential to fully expand on the ideas presented and to use a wider range of vocabulary to convey precise meanings.
CC
Coherence and Cohesion: While the essay has a clear overall progression, transitions could be improved for smoother readability. Introduce a range of cohesive devices to bind the essay together more effectively. Also, ensure that paragraphing is clear and the essay has a logical organization of ideas.
LR
Lexical Resource: Expand vocabulary range to include more sophisticated and topic-specific language. Avoid repetition of certain words and phrases to enhance lexical variety and demonstrate a wider vocabulary.
GRA
Grammar Range and Accuracy: Use a variety of complex sentence structures with accurate grammar. There are a few instances where simpler sentences could be combined or complex constructions could be used for a higher score.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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