IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the government should provide financial assistance to artists (such as painters and musicians) to encourage the development of arts, while others argue that this is a waste of money that could be better spent elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In these modern days, arts have become a crucial part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 everyone's life, especially in the entertainment
industry
Use synonyms
. There is an ongoing debate
whether
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about whether
show examples
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should spend more money to encourage the development of
art
Use synonyms
 or
elsewhere
Linking Words
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is beneficial to provide financial support to artists,
such
Linking Words
 as painters, musicians and
film-makers
Correct your spelling
filmmakers
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 view. Nowadays, the development of
art
Use synonyms
 is becoming different from the past,
people
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 are willing to pay money to artists for their pieces or shows. Recently, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 a trend of singers or bands getting more attraction from
public
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the public
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, they will organize world
tours
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tour
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 concerts
such
Linking Words
 as Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran and Blackpink. They seemingly want to let their fans have more opportunities to experience their live performances, but they are
also
Linking Words
 earning money from the tickets. Many countries are welcoming them to their places for collaboration to gain more attention around the world and boost
up
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apply
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their
economy
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
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government
Add an article
the government
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 should invest in some talented artists to help them create a better platform for themselves. It is a way to achieve win-win situations
,
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apply
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 because their popularity will increase our reputation in the stage of the world. Investing in arts can
also
Linking Words
 foster creativity and innovation, contributing to a more vibrant cultural scene,
this
Linking Words
 will attract tourists, boost the local
economy
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 and enhance the nation's image internationally.
In contrast
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, a part of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 reckon that
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should assist other
industries
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 including infrastructure, health care and education, they believe these fields are more important than
art
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. Other
industries
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 need to develop as well so that
people
Use synonyms
's living standards are getting better.
For instance
Linking Words
, education serves as a gateway to society, everyone needs to receive compulsory education for at least 11 years to get their certificates and gain knowledge that will be useful in future. In the healthcare
industry
Use synonyms
,
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government
Add an article
the government
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 could give financial assistance so that patients do not need to cover
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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their medical expenses and reduce their burden.
Besides
Linking Words
, the development of infrastructure and technology must be emphasized, it will provide more opportunities and increase
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economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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among
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in
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 that area. Technology
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 become vital in today's societies, if our
country
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put
Wrong verb form
puts
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 more effort
in
Change preposition
into
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this
Linking Words
industry
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, our
country
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 may have chances to collaborate with other nations and lead us to a brighter future.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
people
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 can have a better life without financial pressure. Taking everything into a nutshell,
although
Linking Words
Use synonyms
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
industry
Use synonyms
 should be developed, particularly improve our
country
Use synonyms
's
economy
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,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I personally believe other
industries
Use synonyms
 are important as well. Both sides of opinions are understandable,
government
Use synonyms
 should support all
industries
Use synonyms
 to achieve a balanced situation to raise the
country
Use synonyms
's standards.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear distinction between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction should clearly state the topic and the writer's opinion, while the conclusion should summarize the main points without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to manage the organization of ideas. Transition words such as 'furthermore', 'however', and 'consequently' can guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Support main ideas with a variety of specific examples and explanations. Examples should be relevant and illustrate the point being made, but they also need to be fully explored and not just mentioned in passing.
task achievement
Address the task prompt fully by discussing both views and giving a reasoned opinion. Ensure that the essay responds completely to all parts of the question and provides a balanced view before stating your own perspective.
task achievement
Ideas should be clear and developed comprehensively with detailed explanations. Aim for depth over breadth; each paragraph should thoroughly explore a single idea or aspect of the topic.
task achievement
Use a range of sentence structures and vocabulary to articulate ideas more precisely and effectively. Doing so will help in expressing complex ideas with clarity and avoid repetitiveness.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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