These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, more children are taken care of by their fathers who stay at home,
while
mothers head out to work.
This
is happening because women are equally educated and as smart as men if not more and, in my opinion, it contributes positively to society because it is changing societal norms. Over the recent years, society has had to adapt
due to
the fact that now females can obtain the same qualifications and education as males and
therefore
have the same opportunities in the working world.
For instance
, my aunt from my mother's side is currently the only one working because she makes double what my uncle made in his profession,
consequently
, my uncle quit his job so he could watch over the kids at the house. I think it is a positive development for fathers to look after their kids because it has always been the mothers' responsibility to attend to their children and the male responsibility is to provide for and protect the family,
however
, these days the role is changing.
Moreover
, the children are being raised by both guardians. I
also
feel like the husbands now, taking care of their sons realize how hard it is doing the job of raising their kids.
To conclude
, from my perspective, one of the reasons for fathers to remain at the house and watch over their sons
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is owing to an economic situation or social flexibility.
In addition
, I think it is a positive development given that society generally sees mothers as the
supervers
Correct your spelling
servers
for the little ones and
this
way of thinking is currently changing, exchanging the roles with the wife providing and the husband supervising.
Submitted by santos_dij on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a crystal clear introduction and conclusion. Both of these are essential in guiding the reader and clarifying your position on the subject. In your essay, the introduction could be sharpened to better forecast the key points you intend to discuss, while the conclusion should definitively summarize and reinforce your views, linking back to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas should be more logically organized, with clear paragraphing that separates different points or stages in your argument. Use cohesive devices (like transition words and phrases) appropriately to connect your ideas and paragraphs. In your essay, the progression of ideas could be smoother and more methodical.
coherence cohesion
Focus on developing your main points by providing more specific examples and expanding on your arguments. Using concrete examples can strengthen your position and give your essay depth and credibility. In the provided text, you should aim to elaborate your points further with detailed examples and thorough explanations.
task achievement
Make sure your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. The question asked for the reasons behind the development of fathers staying at home, as well as your opinion on whether this is a positive or negative development. You did touch on both, but the reasons could be expanded with a broader range of examples and deeper analysis, while your opinion should be supported by more robust arguments.
task achievement
Your ideas need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Try to be more articulate in your arguments and explanations. While your essay presents relevant viewpoints, they could be conveyed with greater precision and clarity for the reader to follow easily.
task achievement
You should seek to offer more relevant and specific examples to effectively support each point. In your essay, the example given is personal and does not encompass a broader view which might address the varied reasons for this trend in different cultural or social contexts. Including such details will make your essay stronger.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • breadwinner
  • caregiving
  • paternal leave
  • societal perceptions
  • gender roles
  • flexible working conditions
  • personal preference
  • father-child relationship
  • emotional and social development
  • household responsibilities
  • career opportunities
  • professional achievements
  • balanced parenting
  • earning potential
  • social stigma
  • societal pressure
  • discrimination
  • traditional mindsets
  • resentment
  • adjustment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: