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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole . Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages ?

#rise #media #relationships #society #communication
In today’s digital age, social
media
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
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 the most popular means to bridge the gap between communities, generations and societies.
This
 author believes that the benefits of keeping in touch and making individuals get
on with
Change preposition
apply
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together outweigh the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
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 of immersing in social networking
site
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sites
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. The most
advantages
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advantageous
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 factor of utilizing social
media
 is contact.
In other words
 , people can use it to make calls or video calls , or chat,
text
Correct word choice
or text
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 messages just using a
smart phones which
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smartphone that
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 is connected to the Internet. From more knowledge , many teenagers
as well as
 adults in over the world today have a Facebook or Zalo account.
According to
 a recent survey, most of them
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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use it for dropping a line
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
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 calls, messages, e-mails, or comments and posts.
Thus
, social
media
 plays a necessary role in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Moreover
, social
media
 creates strong bonds between humans. It must be recognized that when people simultaneously catch the cutting edge trends or information,
news
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and news
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 , it becomes easier to discuss and share the same interests .
For instance
, recently , there
are
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have been
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 many popular dances or
style
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styles
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 and goods on TikTok, in that way, friends can connect to each other or parents can keep track of their children
what
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and what
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 their kids enjoy.
Therefore
 , social networking is a networking which
keep
Change the verb form
keeps
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 relatives become more closer.
However
, the drawback of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social
media
 which
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
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 too much is a waste of time. In fact, nowadays, there are a lot of teenagers
spend
Correct pronoun usage
who spend
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 most of
the
Change the word
their
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 time on social
media
, even
all days
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every day
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. The result of
this
 problem is the relationship between their friend or parents more and more far, they seldom confide and cower.
Conclusion
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In conclusion
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, the advantages of social
media
 are contacting and bridging the gap
of
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in
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 relationships outweigh the effect of wasting time.
However
, I suppose that the function of contacting and creating strong bonds
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 the striking
advatges
Correct your spelling
advantages
 the
socialmedia
Correct your spelling
social media
 has.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure by having distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and follow logically from the one before it.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices accurately and appropriately to link ideas within and across paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the introduction clearly outlines the main points that will be discussed, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the essay without introducing new ideas.
task achievement
Address the task directly by including a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages with relevant examples.
task achievement
Expand on clear, comprehensive ideas by developing them fully within the body paragraphs and providing specific examples that are directly linked to the main argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve grammar and spelling to ensure clarity and precision in communicating your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global connectivity
  • networking opportunities
  • real-time information
  • community building
  • marketing opportunities
  • self-expression
  • educational content
  • privacy concerns
  • data security
  • misinformation
  • fake news
  • cyberbullying
  • interpersonal skills
  • distraction
  • productivity
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