IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole.Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages?

#rise #media #relationships #society #communication
In
this
 day and age , the impact of using networking sites on the internet
such
 as Facebook and Instagram has many effects on personal relationships.
This
 essay shows that the pros of using social media for life outweigh the drawbacks. First of all, the benefit can be appreciated that these apps help us to connect to others with a wide range including Facebook and Twitter.
Therefore
,these social apps as the same as tools for us to use conveniently and comfortably.
For instance
,many people around the world spend their leisure time chatting or phoning others , these things can help them relax after hard work or enjoy their time with their relationships completely. One kind of the other benefits it can be known that using social media is a method to update the information for us all over the world . It can be seen that knowledge we need to know each day to get a grasp and understand what is happening on the Earth.
For instance
,in the knowledge lessons we learn at school , we have to look up more on the internet about wide grasp to improve critical thinking and ideas.
Besides
 the above pros , the drawback
also
 exists with them that reduces feelings which connect with family in life.
This
 problem is known that they only care about online friends on networking sites so forget the others nearby them. In conclusion, the above reasons made me confirm that the positive effects that social media has on our communication are outweighed by the disadvantages.
Submitted by zky1705202 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction that outlines the main argument, a body that discusses points with supporting examples, and a conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint. The lack of a clear conclusion weakens the overall structure.
coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences and more effective use of linking words to guide the reader through the arguments presented. This will improve the logical flow and overall cohesion.
task achievement
Your essay touches on both advantages and disadvantages of social media; however, the relation of examples to the main ideas could be more explicit. Introducing specific, relevant examples would strengthen your argument and clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
Consider exploring the prompt's aspects more thoroughly and presenting a more balanced discussion of both sides of the argument, followed by a clear personal stance that answers the question directly regarding the advantages outweighing the disadvantages.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global connectivity
  • networking opportunities
  • real-time information
  • community building
  • marketing opportunities
  • self-expression
  • educational content
  • privacy concerns
  • data security
  • misinformation
  • fake news
  • cyberbullying
  • interpersonal skills
  • distraction
  • productivity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: