IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In today's world, many people own a smarrtphone.Do you think the advantages of using a smartphones outwiegh the disadvantages?

#world #people #smarrtphone #smartphones #outwiegh
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In today's digital era, smartphones have become ubiquitous, sparking the debate about whether their benefits outweigh the drawbacks. In my opinion, if a smartphone is owned by an individual, it will have more advantages
such
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 as personalized learning models and convenient communication than drawbacks of
phone
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 addiction. Beginning with personalized learning models
that is
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 the benefit of using a
phone
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. It is understandable that smartphone is a tool to help students in their studying. Actually, each undergraduate will have different abilities,
therefore
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, each individual will acquire knowledge by studying online on their mobile device.
For example
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, some
people
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 who learned the lesson in school,
however
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, they did not understand anything, and
then
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 they can use their
phone
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 to watch a video on the internet.
In addition
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, pupils can easily prepare the lesson before going to school. Turning to communicating conveniently is another advantage of having a smartphone.
Although
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, in the past,
people
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 who lived far away often communicated through letters, now, dwellers use phones to communicate, regardless of near or far or bad conditions.
For instance
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, during the COVID-19 pandemic, individuals were required not to go out so they could not go back to their hometowns or visit their family, friends, etc.
However
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, using mobile devices can make
people
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 addicted. It means that some inhabitants do not have enough knowledge and experience, and they will spend all of their time to play a
phone
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instead
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 of using a
phone
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 for work or learning. Another reason that humans become addicted to phones is that they have too much stress in their lives and they use smartphones for entertainment but
people
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 can not control their behaviour.
Thus
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, they are addicted to their phones without realizing it.

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task achievement
Although the essay has a clear position, it requires further development of ideas. Expanding on the main points with more detailed explanations and elaboration would enhance clarity and demonstrate greater language proficiency.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay could be improved. Make sure to use a wider range of linking words and organize the paragraphs in a manner that the flow of thoughts is more consistent and seamless throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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